511

Once upon a time nobody gave a fuck.

510

He's all alone, some things will never change.

509

The plan was to drink until the pain over, but what's worse, the pain or the hangover?

508

What's up yall, its been a while, but updates are coming soon! :D

507

Fuck this paranoia.

506

:)

505

Yeah. Ok.

504

Will be away until 15th of december. Yeah i know its long :( . But I hope to be able to access these websites soon. Hope for the best bah. See yall :) Maybe I will get some inspirations.

503

Every second is a lifetime.

502

Ok I'm just a little annoyed. Ok maybe not, I'm rather angry. Ok fine, I'm fucking pissed.

501

ANYONE WHO KNOWS A STABLE AND SECURE WAY TO GET PAST THE GREAT FIREWALL OF CHINA, TALK TO ME

500

500th post. Nothing much to say. Just that I'm sorry that I have not been posting any work at all recently because I'm just too distracted by things to keep my mind on this. I will try my best. Aihs. I'm down to just 3 viewers a day. Wonder if you're one of them.

499

I'm thinking things I should not think.

498

I just wanna ask you if you've reached home yet, because I'm worried.
But that's what I used to do, but cannot do now.
Ah screw, you don't know how much I miss you.
All I want is to see your smile and be with you now.

497

I'm just a little lonely that's all.

496

Hey yall I'm back. But I wonder if I should be :( . Anyways, pics and posts will be up soon both here and on the tumblr, so keep coming :) and all the best for chinese tmr

495

I'm going off tmr. Will be back on monday. Hopefully hong kong would be fun haha. Yall can still sms me, I can receive and reply smses there. But don't call haha, otherwise your bill will be :D . Have fun, and, see yall soon. I think I can still use com there, so I won't disappear haha.

494

Hold the beer bong, nothing wrong with some fun.
Even if we did get a little bit too drunk.
Time isn't wasted when you're getting wasted.
Woke up today and all I could say is.

493

Ah .. I should stop being so screwed up.

492

Outing today with jj, ant, toon and zx. Window shopped mostly at ion. Tried on HELL LOT OF CLOTHES AT TOPMAN LOL. and the best part was checking out the blazers. there's a plan to all wear blazers and shades and walk with swag down some hot place but i shan't elaborate on that yet HAHA. the best part of the day is, JIAJIAN GETTING PWNED BY THAT DUDE IN CALVIN KLEIN JEANS. (Y) EPIC SHIT. yes jiajian, if you're reading this, i'm posting this FOR FUN :D. anyways, went to dhoby ghaut later and met up with chantalle, richmond theyall. slacked around there and went home with jiajian afterwards. day well spent, although we were late for the epicly hot $259 > $59 price cut sale on zara blazers :( . and sorry toon for not going into Louis Vuitton with you LOL. gotta pack stuff tmr for hong kong, which i'm leaving for on thursday >.< ahaha

491

I don't mind if you don't mind, 'cause I don't shine if you don't shine.

490

:(

489

Cooler
Funnier
Hotter
Nicer
Closer
Cuter
Richer
Stronger
Crazier
Better
Lover
Moreinteresting
Moreenthusiastic
Moredevoted
Moresacrificial
Moreloyal
Morefun
Moreconfident
Moretime
Morecaring
Moregoodlooking
Istandnochance

488

I don't like mirrors. Because everytime I look into them I see the most despicable person ever, looking back at me with eyes burning full of hatred. At that moment, I want to kill that bastard. Stab him and shoot him until he's no more.

487

One of the worst situations that one can be in is to be an unwilling spy.

486

There's just too much to know, too much to see, too much to accidentally chance upon, and too much to pain myself over.

485

Thank you very much.

484

Depression.

Coming soon.

483

Should have coffee with mr kiw. his philosophical chats about life are (Y) simply amazing haha

482

Yanqi's 夜店 FTW!

Best story I've heard in a long long time :D , love the chinese lesson today woots!

481

Caught this yesterday :D (SUPER HOT MOVIE, GOTTA CHECK IT OUT)



Got this one today (Y) (kinda boring but still extremely funny!)




BUT COULD NOT GET INTO THIS ONE! NC16. SCREW LATE BIRTHDAY!

Let's make it 3 in a row tmr :D, since 3 times is the charm hahaha

480

Takers (Y) Hot movie!

479

175 points for bowling today :D personal best (Y) BEAT THAT BOON KIAT. IN YOUR FACE! Now that sounded high/cheerful/happy/light didn't it?

478

Gonna get started on writing real soon ok :) , btw, yall should go visit the old campus. It's a pretty amazing place. Really. Haha

477

Check this out

476

I like/remember/miss/can't forget/love.

475

Distinctly Unlovable


Me Against The World


101 Ways To Be Nice (No Point Anyway)


Speechless



Maybe all I had feared the worst before. Are all true now.

474

One day I will compile everything into a book. A book.

473

i should learn how to turn my poems into raps

472

I should probably get mauled to the edge of death, then someone would care.

471

Go tell your friends. HAHAHA :D I'm back ~ end of eoys woots!

470

I'm outta this place haha. Hiatus until 8/10 :) Gotta study and use less com. In the meantime, jiayous for your studying. Do come back here after EOYs. As you all know, I do love my fans :D HAHA . See ya soon.

P.S. My tumblr will still be updated :)

469

I text you when I wake up because that's when I think of you.
When I'm about to fall asleep, I text you too because that's what I like to do.
And I'm thinking of you, that's why I text you then plus all that time in between.
And I would text you when I'm asleep if I could, because I would think of you in my dreams.

- S.M.S.

P.S. SOUNDS SUPER LAME I KNOW

468

There's so many things you can't control, but yet they control, ok, they destroy every aspect of the life that you're working so hard for.

467

Lie. Just like everybody else. It makes the world go round. You have to lie to live.

466

What the fuck I wouldn't give because I give such a fuck about every fucking thing.

465

A very nice and cute video. It's a great song as well. Tokyo ^^ woots!

464

Things worth waiting for :)

463

I'm trying so hard to keep everything together.

462

I miss you already.

461

I'm feeling that this blog is becoming like the soviet union nearing its collapse in 1991 :(

460

"Trust me, just pretend that everything is ok.
And the world will not end for you today.
Just imagine that we can talk tonight.
And I'll smile and pretend everything is alright :)"

- Pretence Makes The World Go Round :)

459

EVERYTHING WILL BE WORTH IT :)

458

Good things come to those who wait. I need to get a more rational and less crazy mind. You make everything worth it. I'm sorry, forgive me.

457

I'm worried. Or I'm just overreacting. Or my worst fears are simply true. Please show me that they are not. Please tell me that everything is alright. I want to know, I need to know that you are ok. I hate this feeling. I'm feeling numb here. My face feels like stone. I can't feel my legs. Tell me that everything is ok. I don't want you to feel the same. I think I'm talking crap, what right do I have to do all that? I'm sorry, you are just too important to me. You are my everything. Without you, I'll have, and I'll be nothing. Not that I matter though. You are the most important, the one who matters the most, and the only one I had ever, or will ever love. Heck, I don't even know what love is, but I'm just guessing its you and me. I'm sorry to be the one who love you, I think you deserve much better. I'm sorry but my fingers are freezing up and I can't type anymore. I don't know what can make me feel like this. I have no idea. I'm sorry. I'm just overreacting, I will be fine in a few moments. Yeah I will be fine. Nothing have or had ever happened. Please don't regard all the above seriously, I'm just being mental. Or am I insane all the time? Oh wait, my fingers are unfreezing, just from the thought of you. Thank you, for being there in my head, running through my mind all day, so I can continue hoping and living. You must be tired, so please, sit down here, next to me. We can go back to when it was just you and me. Ok I'm hoping too much again. I'm going off topic. Let me end this with I love you, and I'm sorry.

456

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

455

That Friday Afternoon Thing
By Me :)

Don't tell me little things don't matter.
Because they add up to things bigger than you think.
Things which can change lives for the better.
Things which have the ability to make you sink
to the bottom of the ocean of pain.
Caught up between the currents and waves.
Not knowing what to feel can make you insane.
And it only gets worse day by day.
All it takes is just a little time,
a little bit of this, a tiny bit of that.
Who knows it could be that simple to make you mine.
Yes, its simple, but not easy in fact.
Those days when everybody get together.
Those possibilities are endless, too much to list.
People get caught up in the moment, feeling too better.
And all that I can do is this.
I think, I sit, I think, I die.
My body's here but my heart's somewhere else.
Too bad that I'm just living a lie.
Trying to convince myself those things don't help.
But in fact, they do, they matter the most.
It's those little things we do that make us smile.
But sadly, I can't get access to those.
I'm locked up, shut down, away by a thousand miles.
It's not like I didn't give all my life to be with you.
It's just that I tried to give more than that just to be with you.
So I sit here behind my bars and think.
Inhale fake atmosphere and imagine the scenes.
Those scenes which remain forever burned in my eyes.
Covered up by my smile as a great disguise.
Yes, I do smile, but only when I think of you.
And when I'm with you, I do that too.
But no, everything conspires to keep me from you.
So I guess there's just one thing I gotta do.
Lying, lying is the way to get through.
It's the only way to get a life and be cool.
I'm sorry, I was too honest before.
I need to change to have you as the reason to live for.
So I sit here in fabricated luxury, behind my bars.
Peering through that fucking steel, mesmerized by stars.
Yes, baby, a star's what you are.
The only star I can see, yes I love you la :)
But first, I need to be there, to be with you and see.
To smile and be happy together and enjoy how magical it can be.
Hold your hand and step through that friday afternoon thing.
To just be together, happy love songs we'll sing.
Just for you, I will do anything to be free.
So I can show that I love you, to be continued,
in The Good Life Three.

454

Once Again, Twice Again
By Me :)

It's been while, I must admit.
Since we could be together again.
Now this is not an understatement.
It means so much to me after so much pain.

Once again I could feel the warmth.
That radiates from your golden heart.
Once again my fire is rekindled.
I have more reason to play my part.

I need you, I can't deny it.
I love you, I can't suppress it.
You, my reason behind it.
I've gotta do this well or that's it.

Thank you, for keeping me alive.
Once again I have a reason to live.
I look forward to seeing your smile tomorrow.
Your very smile I could believe.

I hope that you can be happy together with me.
Don't put lies into that smile.
To be with you is such a beautiful gift.
Every second is worthwhile.

Once again we have a chance.
A chance to make things work.
But I don't want you to get me wrong.
It's your call, I'll definitely hear you out.

If it's not good for you.
You have to let me know.
So I can try to make things right.
Make things hot, not cold.

Once again we're back where we started.
But with more in our minds than we imagined.
Hopefully, this can help us out.
And bring us forward to where we've been.

It's been quite a while since I've smiled genuinely.
But what's more important is whether you can do the same.
So I'm hoping that you can smile with me too, baby.
And walk back to where we began again.

Only if you want, only if you want.
If it hurts you, damn I can't.
Then all I need to see is your true smile.
Your true smile, your true smile.

Once again, twice again.
Your smile a day,
My smile a day,
To be together with you a day,

keeps the pain away :)

453

It's been quite a while since I've smiled genuinely.
But what's more important is whether you can do the same.
So I'm hoping that you can smile with me too, baby.
And walk back to where we began again.

- Once Again, Twice Again

ahh dammit i'm just trying to get some inspirations down for now. i promise i will post more poems soon :D in the meantime i noticed my blog visitor numbers have started falling :(

452

I walk this lonely road.

451

When I'm with you, it does not feel like love, no.

It feels better than love :)

450

After sleeping, I am always thankful for the marginally more rational mind :)

Though it may not be fair, balance can be maintained most of the time. So I don't blame you, I have no reason to. It's entirely my fault. I'm sorry for my overreaction. As long as it makes you happy and it makes you smile, anything can work for me. It's not like I don't do it at all either. So I guess you have every reason to. It's not you, its me. But deep inside me, maybe, just maybe, I feel something else, something I would not have dared to imagine before. But for now, I smile, because you do. I hope :)

449

Don't worry leh. Depression only lah. At most I commit suicide only mah. Nvm de :)

448

Work of art, really. And that dude gonna get caned ._. all mrts should be like that hahaha

447

Post EOY Things To Do

130) Take all the MRT lines in one day. Take a picture of you/you and your friends at every station showing where you are. And I mean EVERY DAMN STATION. (Y)

446

I like this :)

445

The Fairytale Boy

By Me :)



I'm sorry, but I believe in love.

And that means the two of us.

Maybe, I hope that you do too.

So that we can be happy together and thus

create an empire of our own,

filled with the most beautiful things in the world.

The kingdom that only exists in fairytales.

We play our hands because we don't have to fold.

Since our magic makes sure we are the king and queen

who will hold up the ace of hearts together.

Hands on the love, hearts with each other.

I believe nothing will ever tear us apart.

I believe that our love will conquer anything.

I know that we can be the moon and the stars.

With our love blazing like a million suns.

In our world we would be the king and queen.

We'll leave joy at all the places we've been.

Being together brings us all smiles.

High-flyers together with the same style.

We were meant to be, yes I mean it.

Fate and destiny brought us together, yes I mean it.

We were made for each other, yes I mean it.

We were once a fairytale, and still are now.

Let's turn this moment into forever.

But even so, forever isn't enough to spend with you.

So I just gotta do what I have to do

for you. Because I love you.

And that's all I wanna do.

Once upon a time, two hearts came together.

And they lived happily ever after.

Snap open my eyes, I should wake up now. I'm sorry.
I'm just that little fairytale boy.

444

Found this while researching on Gorbachev for history haha. I think its very nice and the quote is woots

LV is hot. The graffiti on the Berlin Wall is (Y)

443

Rainbows are possible. They may be small, but at least they happen :)

442

:) It's a great day.

441

Random picture of the day : Just an average train station in Moscow, Russia

AVERAGE TRAIN STATION WTF

Damn man i'm gonna go if there's a history trip there next year haha. ZEIN, YOU BETTER DO IT

440

One Piece Of Memory, One Piece Of Heart III

Please just let that moment last forever.

When we could be anything that we wanna

be. To see all the wonders of love that we could've seen.

To just stay there forever like we had been.

That golden moment felt like forever.

Though it just lasted for about an hour.

We could have went to the moon and back.

With the drinks in our hands we shared.

Talking about anything over here and that.

For a shining moment, life was not so bad.

Pardon me, that was the best moment of my life.

I've got so much of your love that I've been deprived.

With that smile on your face, I thought you were happy too.

All the happiness I could have, I wanted to share with you.

We were perfect, not just picture perfect.

We could outshine the stars, yes we can do that.

It warms my heart to have you right beside me.

It quickens my heart to imagine what we could be.

So a story we were, one hour fairytale.

Happy ending and all, we could never fail.

But all happy things must come to an end.

They had to come and make our love stand down.

But later you proved that you can make our love stand strong.

Together, we could do no wrong.

Thanks for being with me that day.

I still remember you brought me the sweetest candy and say

"Maybe I love you." Yay :)

439

She has never been the one for you, she has never chosen you, but you continue to destroy your life for her.

438

YOG opening ceremony quite nice :) i like the music that goes along with the performances such as the piano solo, the oldies which were played and the orchestra and especially the background music when the flags come out. As yall probably have noticed, the flag bearers walking in wrong direction is EPIC hahaha. Btw luckily i can catch a bit of the fireworks out of my window, though its mostly blocked by another flag. Oh well, gonna go watch it personally some time. And gonna bring someone special along :) if i can. haha

437

The Good Life II
By Me :)

Really, what more can we ask for
than a chance at the thing which matters most
to you. The opportunity to be close and be able
to do what you can do. The ones with the good life
got plenty of that. The ones out of the picture just
end up real sad.

Yes, they've got all the time in the world
to do what they like and like what they do.
Chances flow like money out of wallets so
they can get nearer to what they want to do.

No worries, I'll be back by tomorrow morning.
Just don't bother me and let me have my life.
Within that time, I can accomplish more than you think.
Way more better than the sad deprived.

Tell me if you know how it feels to be kept in a prison.
Because I need a cellmate here.
Oh wait I'm sorry, that's just plain selfish.
Everyone else can do it, I have to be the gentleman.

It's pretty much ok if I've got to be tortured here.
Maybe I'll get used to it.
But the feeling of not knowing anything induces fear
and I'm afraid that I will lose to it.

Because they've got all the chances, they've got all the time.
They can do whatever they want, wherever, anytime.
They can step into your world while I'm stuck here in mine.
And I can do nothing about it, and that's not fine.

But who gives a damn if I'm fine or not?
Nobody will hear me through these soundproof walls.
Even if they could, they wouldn't want to care.
Even if they can help, they wouldn't want to share.

Because they've got better things to do
with the time that never ends from night to noon.
Whatever they do, they've got a chance for you
to take all that ever mattered away from me.
Can't you see? You are my life energy.
You make me all that I can ever be.
But how can one without a good life offer you a good life?
I'm sorry, its not you, its me.

Ok now let's take it that you never read all the above
and that you're gonna enjoy your life like always before.
Go, go, go on, seize your chances.
Make you life better forevermore.

Trust me, I'm just being practical.
Do not deny that such trivial things matter a lot
because they do, they mean everything.
So be thankful for what you've got.

Let's just pretend all the above never happened.
And you have never heard my cries.
Go on, live all the life I will never have.
I'll sit here and smile and die.

436

This is a great song, do check it out. Chanced upon this while listening to one of the many jazz cd's i bought. Really emo but cool song. Enjoy :D

435

Beautifully cold, frustratingly mixed feelings.

434

"It's not a video .. It's a moving painting!" - Kanye West

433

One Piece Of Memory, One Piece Of Heart II

Every morning, every morning.
Everyday, the same thing.
I'll never get tired of it.
I took for granted that you'll sit
right beside me every morning.
I didn't even carry the chair for you.
Over memories now I'm mourning.
I didn't do what I should do.
I never know what I have until its gone.
You beside me every morning is one
example, which I can't forget now.
Looking at things now, thinking back,
I'll go like, wow.
But its not lost, there's still a way.
I'll do it differently this time I say.
No, what you think is not what I mean.
I just want us back on the same routine.

432

Just because we've got a tumblr now does not mean that this blog is gonna be dead. Hahaha.

The tumblr is a joint project between me and JJ and we're gonna be mostly making original material such as pictures or quotes or quotes on pictures and stuff. We're so gonna be famous in the tumblr society. But sadly, now cannot do too much. Mostly will be after EOYs stuff haha. But still, we will try to make as much as possible now haha.

Thanks to sunshinestories and colourfulskies for being the first 2 followers :)

Me and JJ gonna make it as good as it can be hahaha. So stay tuned.

ALSO, KEEP COMING HERE, THIS IS STILL MY OWN SPACE AND I WILL UPDATE IT VERY OFTEN HAHA.

http://ithinkiluvmywife.tumblr.com/

everyone is welcome :)

431

Do not be sad that it ended. Be happy that it happened.

430

LoveStuffs: Hope

Hope. We've all heard it before. And its way too overrated.

Hope only serves one purpose. It keeps you alive during the darkest times of your life. It's very important for that, but it's the only useful purpose it serves.

For me, the hope is the only thing that keeps me alive now. The hope that things get better. The hope that everything could be as perfect as before.

For everything else, hope fails horribly.

Well, for one, no point hoping if you can't and won't do.

For two, no point hoping if it won't happen.

For three, hope hurts you.


Well, if you hope things will happen, that's good, because there's something meaningful in your life to hope for. But if you don't do a shit about trying to get closer or reaching that hope, no point hoping. It will be empty.

So what if you hope? If it won't happen, or what's worse, you know it won't happen, no point hoping. If something won't happen no matter how hard you try, there is no meaning in hoping that it will.

Hoping too much can be fatal. If you hope too much on something, and it does not happen, you will feel the pain. It hurts more than you can describe. Therefore, just don't hope for it. If it does happen, you'll feel very happy and satisfied. If it does not, well, you are already prepared for it.

I know the stuff above are kinda crappy because I ain't really in the mood to write properly now, but I just have to write something.

But still, I'd smile and shrug it off. And pretend that it does not matter.

429

Result of loneliness.

428

Recently I'm getting more afraid of the cold somehow. I turn off the front air con in the car, shift away air con on the bus, absolutely dislikes the air con in the PAC, and shivers easily from cold winds. Why is this happening? Weird.

427

2000 plus views liaos. Thanks for the continuous support people :D i appreciate it

426

Woots, A Reason To Live
By Me :)


You don't know how much you mean to me.
If there's only a way I can make you see.
Yes, make you see, yes, make you see.
How much you are a part of me.
So how could you just let me be?
Letting my heart be the one which freeze.
So you can fly on and be free.
Not that I mind though, but I just want you to see

that you are the reason that I live for.
And without you life is a neverending fall.
I'm sorry that I could not bring myself to call.
To try to return to how things were before.

But now I've learnt to pick up the pieces one by one.
I know how to see between my needs and my wants.
Now I'm clear that you are what I need
because you are the reason that I live.

I've finally found a reason to live again.
And learnt how to put behind all that pain.
Because when there's no pain, there's no gain.
And that does not change, it stays the same.

Everyday, I'm happy just to see your face.
I smile because I can be close to you.
I laugh because I'm reaching the end of the maze
that you and I set together. It's time to undo.

You know I can't live without you.
And again I'm wishing you feel that way too.
You are the reason why I still wake up everyday.
The reason for my heart to beat again.

Woots, I've found a reason to live.
In you again, I will believe.

425

The right love, at the wrong time.

424

DISCLAIMER (YOU HAVE TO WATCH UNTIL THE ENDING OF THE VIDEO. THE ENDING IS REALLY HEARTBREAKING AH)

Won't Go Home Without You

Maroon 5

I asked her to stay, but she wouldn't listen.

She left before I had a chance to say.

The words that would mend the things that were broken.

Now its far too late she's gone away.

Every night you cry yourself to sleep.

Thinking why does this happen to me.

Why does every moment have to be so hard.

Hard to believe it.

It's not over tonight.

Just give me one more chance to make it right.

I may not make it through the night.

I won't go home without you.

The taste of her breath.

I'll never get over.

The noises that she make keep me awake.

The weight of the things that remain unspoken.

Built up so much it crushed us everyday.

Every night you cry yourself to sleep.

Thinking why does this happen to me.

Why does every moment have to be so hard.

Hard to believe it.

It's not over tonight.

Just give me one more chance to make it right.

I may not make it through the night.

I won't go home without you.

It's not over tonight.

Just give me one more chance to make it right.

I may not make it through the night.

I won't go home without you.

Of all the things I felt I've never really showed.

Perhaps the worst is that I ever let you go.

I should not ever let you go~

It's not over tonight.

Just give me one more chance to make it right.

I may not make it through the night.

I won't go home without you.

It's not over tonight.

Just give me one more chance to make it right.

I may not make it through the night.

I won't go home without you.

And I won't go home without you.

And I won't go home without you.

And I won't go home without you.

This song. Reminds me of everything we once had. I won't go home without you. Because you're already home with me. In my heart.

423

Please do not misunderstand me. I no longer want what I wanted. I've got it kept locked down. All I need now is what used to make you happy. What I should be happy for as well.

422

One Piece Of Memory, One Piece Of Heart I


We could have sat there forever.
Eternally frozen together.
Wind in your hair, tickling my nose.
Sitting side by side, our hearts close.

Nothing else in the world matters, we're alone.
We playing games on another dude's phone.
Smiles on our faces, we are so close.
Sitting beside you, never gonna be apart.
The wind in your hair, tickling my nose.
Gripping my heart.


~ We can go back to the time, when we were all we could be. I will not ask for more. I won't make the mistake like last time. Only if you want.

421

Just a point to note, all I want to see is you be happy. Really. That's all I need.

420

What have I become?

I've been living this so-called life for about a year. I've got nothing out of it. Ever since that happened, nothing have been going my way.

I'm writing here today not for myself, but for someone far more important than myself. Someone I had neglected. Someone who I never really treated as important. Yes, that might sound absurd.

Well, all I had been trying to do, was all for myself. I wanted to feel full. I wanted to feel whole. I wanted to feel something that I was never meant to feel, happiness. To get what I want, I neglected what you needed.

Yes I did. You needed care and I tried to give "love". You needed friendship and companionship and I failed to recognise that. I thought you wanted something more. And by more, I don't mean it in a good way. Sometimes, the warm feeling of someone who will listen to you and be with you can overwhelm everything else. It was very simple for me, I failed to see it.

All I needed was for you to be happy. And if you're happy, I'd be happy too. I had a wrong sense of direction and what you needed to be happy. Happiness isn't that complicated. I did not realise that I did not require elaborate planning and countless thoughts to make you smile. It was simple. Way too simple, that I did not see it.

And by simple I don't mean it being simple to make you happy. It is very simple because there's only one thing that I needed to do. But that one thing is very difficult.

I regret the day that I destroyed it all. Yes, I have plenty of regrets, but this is the one decision that I regretted the most. I tried to be honest with you, maybe it was the right thing to do. But not the thing that I should have done. The promise I made then, I broke it. Terribly.

I promised that if we fail to work, we could go back to what we were. Easier said than done.

But that does not mean it cannot be done.

I cannot blame you for anything, as it is entirely my fault. I made things so complicated, I made things so disastrous, I made things so screwed up. If only I had decided to hold my words back, keep my love locked down, everything could've gone on just like before.

Just like a fairytale, except that it is real.

By replacing something that is indestructible, I made it one of the most fragile things ever. I was too greedy. I asked for more when I already had all I needed.

Well, come to think of it, I think that you were happy then. Or I'm probably horribly mistaken. Again.

Well, even if you weren't, things could have been better. We could have been everything we wanted to be. Only if I had kept quiet.

Yes. It was my fault. I tried to take us further than we should go.

I tried to save something that is beyond rescue.

I failed in trying to move on after that.

If only I had kept my mouth shut, and lived the days just like any other, I don't even have to move on. Nothing would have fallen apart. Everything could have gone on perfectly as before.

I'm sorry, I'm being selfish again, I wanted you to be happy so I could be happy.

Yeah, I'm not someone you should be with.

But why did I even think of that? We could have been friends, and continued to be. Why did the demon in me ask for more than that? Being friends with you, is already such a blessing to me. I was an idiot for trying for more.

Yes, its perfectly alright to put all of the blame on me. I accept responsibility for all the mistakes I have made and the promises I had broken. I don't deserve your love even if you wanted to give it back.

No, I don't need that anymore. And I believe you don't need mine either.

I don't know about you, though I really wish I do. But all I need now, is for us to go back, back to before I made the fatal mistake. The good times.

Maybe you wish for the same too.

If we are unable to work it out, we could go back to what we were. Friends, good friends. I promised.

Easier said than done.

But that does not mean it cannot be done.

I promised.

I promise.

It's not too late.

From now on, its never going to be about me again. It's just gonna be about you.

I promise.

419

All this time, for more than a year, I've been working on the wrong principle, the wrong mindset, the wrong concept. I was just so used to getting what I need, that I did not recognise what you wanted. No, its not too late to turn things back. All I need to do now is to tear down the walls that are constructed by my very own mistakes and faults. Tear all of them down, and I'll see us again, real and happy, and this time, I will never again make any mistakes or do anything wrong. It's not too late to start over, and by starting over, I don't mean the way I did it, but the way you wanted it. I was just too selfish. I'm sorry. Too late to go back to square one? Maybe. Maybe not.

Or am I again making the mistake that I made that time? By hoping way too much.

418

You don't know how much it hurts.

Either that or you don't care how much it hurts.

I force my eyes to look away but what's left of my heart still turns in your direction.

I guess I just hoped too much.

417

Happy Birthday Chantalle!

Haha, I hope you have a great day and a great 16th year ahead :D And thanks for coming to this blog also :) . It's great to know you still visit this place often haha

Btw I miss the mornings in year 1 and year 2 when we and the rest of the dudes can take subsidised bus together LOL, quite fun haha

Anyways this might be a little bit late, but I still hope you enjoy today, and all the best for the coming tests and exams :D

See ya around in school!

416

Lovestuffs : Meaningful And Meaningless

Well, I'm back again, after a long time.

I wanna talk about something which have been bugging me a lot these days. In contrast with my previous days where there are many many problems, this time, there's only one problem.

Well if you look at it this way, life is pretty straightforward. Even if there are many problems in your life, all you need to do if solve them. However, if there's NOTHING in your life, it is a much more complicated matter.

Every night, we will go through a thought process of what we are looking forward or not looking forward to the next day. And every morning, we will wake up to something new in the day. It could be something that we look forward to or something we dread. But nevertheless, its still something. If you have lots of things to look forward to, good for you. If not, I suppose the bad bout of dread will pass soon enough, to be replaced by things you will look forward to.

Well, there's a problem with me here. When I wake up in the morning, all I want to do is to fall back onto bed and sleep, and the best thing that could happen after that is that I WILL NEVER WAKE UP. Life would be so much better for me that way, or death, rather. Honestly, there's nothing in the day to look forward to nor anything to dread, because there simple isn't anything in my life now at all.

When I was younger, I looked forward to discovering new things and fun stuff to do.

In the primary school days, I looked forward to having fun with my friends in school.

In the early secondary school days, I looked forward to trying to get as much fun as I can under my parents' iron grip with my friends. That was something of a challenge and every little accomplishment made things very meaningful.

Well, in Year 3, I can say it was the most meaningful year of my life so far. I lie down every night thinking about the pleasant surprises that could happen the next day. I wake up every morning with a smile, eager to get to school so I can see your beautiful face. You gave meaning to my life. You gave meaning to me. You made me feel that life is worth living. I want to give up everything in my life just to be with you. That's my mistake, I made you my everything.

By making you my everything, once you're gone, I will have nothing.

Yes, you are gone now. Even though you're still there. I'm sorry this sounds like Mr Seow but its true.

You are right there, but gone from me. Now that everything in my life is gone, I have nothing left.

Do you know how much pain I feel when I look at you? Do you know how much joy I feel when I look at you?

You were the one who made my life so worth living and so happy, that I could not imagine my current state then. I would never had thought it would come to this. Well, maybe its because I'm too selfish about myself.

But still, caring for you, doing all I can for you, that's what made my life worth living.

Now, I can no longer do anything, because you don't want it.

Ok I'm going off topic, I will talk more about the best days of my life with you in another LoveStuffs entry.

For now, back to the main topic.

Well, its pretty simple actually. We all have something which we think is meaningful to do. Take that away, and we'll have nothing meaningful to do.

When you walked out of my life, I tried searching for other things to take your place. Well, you can guess, it failed pretty badly, because you are IRREPLACABLE.

I tried to put my life in gaming, like I did when I was younger. But since I have severe restrictions on gaming, which is to say, I am not allowed to play games at all, I can't do that. And gaming won't be beneficial to both my schoolwork and my eyesight.

I tried to put basketball at the forefront. However, uncooperative parents and other circumstances limit my time with the sport I love. Added to the standing down of CCAs and increased workload, I have the bare minumim of time to pursue this.

I tried to reignite my interest in the piano. But as I said, schoolwork invades and I don't really have the passion left for it.

Now, I tried to place friends in every corner of my life. I tried to socialize, go out more, and get to know more people and people better. Well, apparently, I am supposed to give up these 60 plus days of my life for nothing but mugging. According to my parents.

Well, I guess its kind of a reasonable excuse, just for a huge exam, we should give up just 60 plus days of our lives. Ok not entirely reasonable.

Studying, to me, is entirely not meaningful. That's why I need something else which is meaningful in the meantime. An unfortunate incident on Saturday made me realise that friends, is no longer an option for me to consider.

So what's left now? I've got nothing to live for, nothing meaningful to do, except studying. Well, I'm not gonna give up any part of my life for something so mundane and meaningless. Never.

So, what's keeping me alive now? I can say there's only 3 things.

1. The hope, the tiny shred of hope, that we could go back, rediscover, and find what made us magical then. There's still hope to find it again.

2. This blog. I think the one of the only meaningful things I'm doing now is writing here and keeping this place updated. So I do hope all of you who're reading this look deeper into the videos I post, the stuff I write and things such as this, you can call it a rant. There's a lot of things I want all of you to know.

3. My friends and family. Dear friends, all of yall are very understanding towards me. I appreciate that a lot. My family, I respect their motive behind what they are doing, but not exactly their actions.


Well, what more can I say now? The next 60 plus days will be the darkest days of my life. I will have nothing to look forward to and nothing to live for, really. Again and again I will wish that I can go to sleep and never wake up. Well, I guess you can say that its just because of one reason, one person. Maybe. I'm not calling on you to give up any part of your happy life to help mine, because a person like me is not worth helping. Eventually, slowly, I will get out of this. All I need is some time to discover something worth living for other than you. Well, I would most probably fail again. But I will approach this with the mindset which I had when I approached you,

"Well, I would most probably fail. But it would not hurt to try :)"


PS : This ain't really much of a Lovestuff. Its more of a Lifestuff. Anyway, Lovestuffs don't make sense in the first place. None of us know what is love, only what we think is love.

415

The Story Of The Man And The Angel With The Broken Wing
Written By Me, For Everyone


For every angel that falls from the sky.
There will be a man who catches her.
For every heartbreak that that man has.
There's an angel who's responsible.

Once upon a time, the most beautiful angel in the world, fell in love with her guardian angel. She gave her heart and soul to him, so surely and safely he would keep.

Together they jumped and took to the skies, to see new places way up high. Yes, angels could never cry. About their love, nobody could deny.

They loved each other, like no other. They were the talk of the universe. Nothing seemed to be able knock them down. Love seems more powerful than anything now.

But one day, her guardian angel made a mistake, when she's sleeping in his arms. To see another, he turned his head and let the most beautiful angel fall down.

And thus from the sky, an angel falls. The most beautiful thing the world has ever seen. But never had there been someone so hurt. For her guardian angel broke her heart and her wings.

Now here walks the man, he's unaware that the best thing in his life is going to happen to him. He's just an ordinary man like any other, except that he tries to help whoever he sees.

Here, the angel falls into his arms. He's caught by a huge surprise. He had always been lonely, and he wished for love. And now his wish happens in real life.

The angel was hurt with her broken wing. She pleaded with the man to help her heal it. The angel was shattered with her broken heart. She wanted the man to help her mend it.

The man was stuck in a dilemma. He really wanted her to stay with him. He could choose not to help her, so she could stay here on Earth with him.

But the angel's happiness mattered more and the man could not bear to see her cry. He decided to love her unconditionally because he was nice and his heart was kind.

Back at his home, he tried his best to heal the angel's wounds. He gave her all of his love and care, in the hope that she would recover soon.

He cared for her, he looked after her, and he helped her in any way he could. He was doing all that so she can be happy, just like he thinks he should.

For her broken wing, he gave all of his time and effort, and fixed it up quickly. To encourage the angel to smile again, he motivated her daily.

For her broken heart, he had no other choice. He took out his own and gave it to her. So now she's full and whole again, almost ready to fly higher.

He listened to her and her stories, determined to cheer her up. Her previous guardian angel had let her go, the man is her guardian angel now.

Finally, the angel recovered fully, she does not need the man anymore. She is determined to find her guardian angel again and forgive him for his biggest flaw.

When the man found out she was leaving him, pain shot through his soul. He could no longer be heartbroken because his heart is given to the angel.

One day, the angel decided to take her leave, because she had enough of walking. She wants to fly in the sky again, with her previous guardian angel waiting.

Without thanks, she bade the man goodbye and smiled a smile that could make any man's heart stop. He pretended to be happy for her, because she was finally gonna fly back to the top.

With a smile too, he said goodbye, even though he was dying inside. All the love and care he had given her, is all for her moment of flight.

And she was flying, flying away from him, the best happiness he ever had. She was going to rejoin her guardian angel, who might again do something just as bad.

With a sigh, he turned from the sky. Walking back home under moonlight, his heart in pain. Oh wait, he gave his heart to the angel, so he doesn't have one now.

He could have made it so that the angel would stay with him.

But he cared for her happiness more than his own.

He gave her everything he could, so she could look for what she wants.

So she will be happy, even though he will suffer alone.

So, with a sigh, he forced himself to turn. Never before had he felt such pain. She was the best thing that happened to him, and never again, will something as beautiful,

as magical,

as amazing,

happen to him again.

But for the angel, at least, she lived happily ever after.

414

Welcome To Heartbreak

My friend showed me pictures of his kids

And all I could show him was pictures of my cribs

He said his daughter got a brand new report card

And all I got was a brand new sports car, oh

And my head keeps spinning

Can't stop having these visions,

I gotta get with it

And my head keeps spinning

I can't stop having these visions, I gotta get with it

Dad cracked a joke, all the kids laughed

But I couldn't hear him all the way in first class

Chased the good life my whole life long

Look back on my life and my life gone

Where did I go wrong?

And my head keeps spinning

Can't stop having these visions,

I gotta get with it

And my head keeps spinning

I can't stop having these visions, I gotta get with it

I've seen it, I've seen it before

I've seen it, I've seen it before

I've seen it, I've seen it before

I've seen it, I've seen it before

Oh my God, sister getting married by the lake

But I couldn't figure out who I'd wanna take

Bad enough that I showed up lateI

had to leave before they even cut the cake

Welcome to heartbreak

And my head keeps spinning

Can't stop having these visions,

I gotta get with it

And my head keeps spinning

I can't stop having these visions, I gotta get with it

And I and I can't stop

No, no, I can't stop

No, no, no, no, I can't stop

No, no, no, no, I can't stop

Can't stop, I can't stop, I can't stop

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

No, no, no, noNo, no, I can't stop

I can't stop having these visions

I gotta get with it

The art in the video is freaking nice and the song is really emo. Starting from yesterday, i've been re-listening to Kanye's album 808's & Heartbreak, and i'm rediscovering its magic haha. The standout songs are Love Lockdown, which I can kinda relate to, and Heartless, which don't need anymore emphasis as I consider it a song which represents me and this entire blog is sorta based around the song. I think I started listening to lots of Kanye again after a long time because i watched this 2-hour long show on mtv which showed kanye's top 20 songs' music videos, and it was really enjoyable. And my sis likes listening to hip hop too, i think i influenced her de >.< . anyways do check out some of the songs if you wanna, and jiayous with whatever work you're doing haha.

Oh and btw, if you find any nice distractions which can draw my mind away from thinking, do tell me. I need distractions. Seriously

413

You don't kill me. You torture me but you keep me alive.

412

The way I used to be able to look into your eyes made my heart stop.

Now, the way you look at me just shatters it.

411

Not The One
By Me, For You

I'm sorry baby, I'm just ugly.
The one who can't provide for you.
I've been trippin' on you lately.
And I don't know what to do.

I guess I'm just too clumsy.
I can't handle a diamond as bright as you.
I think I'm just too lousy.
I can't do what I should for you.

Maybe I fear what you'll think.
When I try to make things good.
Because you know you don't want it.
And I can say I know it too.

I know it's best for a person like me,
to die and fade off from this world.
So a person like you can see,
a way more better life than before.

Oh wait, I'm sorry, there's no other like you.
You're the only star in my universe.
Oh wait, I got that wrong too.
You are the one who is my universe.

But I know what I am to you.
I'm simply nothing, something which don't exist at all.
Or something that you hope do not exist.
Well, maybe I should grant your wish after all.

But I don't do magic like them other dudes do.
I'm just the show's backstage crew.
Someone who's just an annoyance in your life.
Something which is less than nothing to you.

I lack the strength to make you smile.
I don't have the power to make your life better.
I can't make you have me on your speed dial.
Without me your life would be better.

I don't deserve a mention when you talk.
I don't deserve to see the beautiful way you walk.
I can't motivate you, or make you see,
the things to look forward to to make you happy.

To me, you are everything that I live for.
To you, I'm something you would rather live without.
Oh I'm sorry, I got that wrong again.
I'm just nothing, nothing to mention about.

My name don't float in your head like them others do.
My face you would rather not see too.
My so-called love is something you can do without.
Because I can't act, I'm the backstage crew.

I don't know what to say to make you smile.
I don't know what to do to make you happy.
Maybe the things I'm doing now is actually right.
But to you, it depends on who's the one saying things.

We can say the same things just as nice.
We can do the same things just as sweet.
Everything we do can be exactly identical.
But, it only matters who's the one doing it.

I'm just too talentless, who's got nothing to give.
The pathetic beggar, the careless thief.
Sometimes I really hate myself.
Oh wait, I got that wrong, I hate myself all the time.

For not being able to be the one for you.
To be the one that you look forward to
seeing everyday, look forward to the things you could do,
with the one, whom you would say "I love you" to.
Then he would say "I love you" back.
So he can keep your smile intact.
All this is true, its not an act.
Even if it's on stage, I'm the backstage crew.

The one who you would never know.
The one thinks the world of you.
The one who you wish was better off dead.
The one who should stop doing the things he do.

The one who can't put a smile on your face.
The one who is acting, wait I got that wrong, being a fool.

The one who's nearing the end of his days.

The one who can't live without you.

410

No. No, no, no, no, no. Never. I'm not like that. It's not like that.

409

"Well, the word "her" is a universal word. Why? Because my universe, is her."

- Casual conversation between me and Jiajian

408

In a moment of delusion, I threatened the existence of everything that mattered to me. Things I cannot do without.

407

Always around.

406

Misery

Oh yeah

Oh yeah

So scared of breaking it

But you won't let it bend

And I wrote two hundred letters

I won't ever send

Somehow it is cut so much

Deeper then they seem

You'd rather cover up

I'd rather let them be

So let me be

And I'll set you free

I am in misery

There ain't no other

Who can comfort me

Why won't you answer me?

Your silence is slowly killing me

Girl you really got me bad

You really got me bad

I'm gonna get you back

Gonna get you back

Your salty skin and how

It mixes in with mine

The way it feels to be

Completely intertwined

It's not that I didn't care

It's that I didn't know

It's not what I didn't feel

It's what I didn't show

So let me be

And I'll set you free

I am in misery

There ain't no other

Who can comfort me

Why won't you answer me?

Your silence is slowly killing me

Girl you really got me bad

You really got me bad

I'm gonna get you back

Gonna get you back

Say your faith is shaken

You may be mistaken

You keep me wide awake and

Waiting for the sun

I'm desperate and confusedS

o far away from you

I'm getting here

Don't care where I have to go

Why do you do what you do to me, yeah

Why won't you answer me, answer me yeah

Why do you do what you do to me yeah

Why won't you answer me, answer me yeah

I am in misery

There ain't no other

Who can comfort me

Why won't you answer me?

Your silence is slowly killing me

Girl you really got me bad

You really got me bad

I'm gonna get you back

Gonna get you back

Ouch for Adam Levine haha.

I can relate to the lyrics yay

405

This make me think of the history that I should be doing now. Screw this weekend really. T.T

404

For Someone So Destroyed By Emotion
By Me :)

Warning, please do not approach.
That's the sign he hang above his head.
He's a time bomb about to explode.
Don't go near him or you'll be dead.

For when things don't go his way,
And another doesn't do as he wants,
It will be the end of the world for him today.
Everything will mean nothing at once.

He lets his emotions take him over.
And turn him into a heartless beast.
One moment he's in rage and the next he's sober.
He won't give a damn if your heart beats.

Then the rants come rambling out.
His words resemble that of a drunkard.
There's everything he can do without.
But there's nothing that can make him better.

He stares at the ground with suicidal thoughts,
And smiles sarcastically at your helpless words.
Don't bother, you won't help a lot.
Not because you can't, because he won't let it work.

He won't give a damn about how you feel.
Because how he feels is more important.
To save his so-called life, he won't hesitate to kill.
So there's no point being so persistent.

Leave him alone, let him sort it out.
He's out of his mind for this period of time.
He let himself destroy himself inside out.
And refused to be helped by anyone else.

For someone so destroyed by emotion,
here I say this.
I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do for you.
So just help yourself, please.