75

wassup y'all...i screwed my life up as usual...but there's one good thing...i have got it...how to unscrew my life...but its gonna be painful...



like jiajian suggested...working hard for all the stuff...its the simplest solution and it had always been right in front of my eyes...but i refused to use the plan and act as it is very tedious and painful...but now there's no more choice as all the other plans failed to work at all...so...expect to see a new me next semester...ima get my freedom this year...I'M GOING TO GET IT!

The price will be paid...there shall be no more outings before the EOY (unless permitted) and i shall restrict my com playing to minimal and study to maximal...

that would mean something like quarantine...

ok let's blog abt today...

- Mr Yeo is a funny man...who plays patapon (whatever that is) on his PSP...and that reminds me that i will be getting my beloved psp and xbox back 2 days later...

May they be covered in dust since the lonely isolation from March...but their edges shall melt once more and buttons and thumbsticks pounded with the return of the June Holidays.

- Meng Han teaches fairly well...and i somehow manage to pay more attention to him...and he bears an uncanny resemblance to jiajian ..somehow...

alrite enuff abt mr yeo...now for replies to tags...

To JJ : Yeah i got your point...thanks for the tip

To XW : Your singing is fine la...just don't too much can le...and i AM going to study hard...

To Dionne : Yo hi camp most fun wif u guys ~ thanks for coming =D..and i will link ~

To SW : lols...i young ma...thanks anyways...and lagging is nothing wrong...i do that all the time =D

To Trisha : hihi ~ long time no see le..thanks for dropping by =D

To Nicholette : hi...camp most fun...yeah i will study hard...sure de...and anyways the play is over la...at least we tried ~ thanks for coming here =D

To Ben : Screw your balls ~ they won't come this blog de...and added msn le..


2 days to hols and i am going to announce my big news...for ONCE i am proud to say that i am comparable to you guys ~~....NOW I SHALL ANNOUNCE!

I AM GOING TO US TO WATCH NBA FINALS!

that's definitely something to cheer me up...dad's got free tickets...and free tickets for evrything!..and VIP passes and stuff...

I've waited so long for the day to be better than the rest, and I am proud to say that the day has come at last.

Apologies for the possible offense and sorry if i had hao lian-ed or suanned you in any way...sorries ~

I'm going off on the 29th...i think...and back on the 8th or 9th...ima gonna have some fun there...something which i had not experienced for ages...and this is the FIRST time i'm going to USA....i know its nothing to some of you but i am just happy ~

maybe i can go find jiawen there...surprises expected...

naturally something as happy as this wont happen but since there are free tics why waste them? haha...

rest assured i will bring back souveniers for all... ~

Homework report ~ LA reflections done, left 1 artefact chionging tmr morning...
Wishlist for this week ~ psp game download sites, and where to modify my psp and music to last me for the hols...

ok now for the EMO side...

i'm seriously gonna work hard like shit during 2nd semester...and not get distracted...sorry...

too bad the budding writers thing is not counted...otherwise maybe i still have a little bit more chance...but at least i'm getting paid for that...(if i'm pro enough that is...) :)

i'm going to put some seriously emo poetry here so if you dislike emo please do not continue...if you want to explore the realms of sophisticated emo you are welcome here...

Love is the Currency

My life's going down,
Way down,
Till the extent I can live a day without a frown.
I have lost the coloured happiness crown,
And my life's going down,
All the way down.

I'd sit by the roadside, drenched in sweat,
Running through thoughts within my worn-out brain,
Down by the dump I had sat,
Crying out for help in vain.

So this is all life ever asked from me,
Good grades to put a smile on their face,
Bad grades to twitch their fingers holding knives,
And trigger that tranquility to craze.

So is this what we are living for?
If you're smart, you'll fly,
If you're not, you'll be dripping blood on the floor,
Get tortured, tormented and die...

There ain't no way to change this world,
There ain't no way a bastard like me,
can shine like a box full of gold,
No, not in mine nor yours wildest dreams,
No, that's stupid not bold.

To live, we must all pay the price,
Of a dollar just to get back a cent,
Drinking and smoking are no longer a vice,
If it straightens your happiness's bent.

I'm sorry, girl, I'm moving on,
No, not in that way.
I'm moving on to save myself,
So take care of yourself, okay?

All I'd pack in my tattered mind,
Are memories of the faded past,
But look into me, then you'll find,
Those memories are not meant to last.

I'm sorry, girl, I'm saving myself,
I'll have to give you up and leave you,
Remember this, if I'm not back in twelve,
Go on without me, do what you do.

I'm sorry, girl, I'm forced to do this,
I've gotta live,
Its just one last hug and one last kiss,
And it's time for me to leave.

I'll toss you to the back of my mind,
To pursue the paths that they have laid,
Unless I lose the path and die,
I will come back for you, I've said.

I will pay the price to live,
But I promise you faithfully,
I had never wanted it this way,
But I have no choice or say,
So just take care of yourself okay?

Go find some better life with him,
For in his life, love is not the currency,
Don't turn back to me, no don't turn,
For in my life, it is.


"For many people, sacrifices have to be made to achieve your goal."
"For some people, barely any sacrifices have to be made and they can achieve any goal."

"For me, love is the sacrifice which I made to achieve THEIR goal."

74

Hey all...back frm level camp...quite fun la...actually very fun...compared to what i thought before...considering i even considered ponning the camp...now let's talk abt what happened on that island with that bloody steep hill which we had to climb everyday...

Day 1

Went to sch with my gigantic bag...and waited for hell long until we got onto the bus which the bloody old driver drove so damn slowly...and slept on the bus...was in grp 3 with instructor joel...he has nice hair and nice dance moves and nice looks...wo0ts...got ben balls and yun en i know de...so not bad and got toon in my mirror group 4...so very fun...go there and use insect repellant spray like shit after climbing that fucking slope...lol...and lugging my damn heavy bag...

amazing race afterwards...chiong arnd like siao...lucky nvr tio the caterpillar...wo0ts...yeah and i in major A...

dinner was nice...so was lunch...didnt had to beg for alota food for day 1...

and i think that showering is futile in that place...as we had night activities after we shower...and chionging outta those curtainless cubicles after rinsing ourselves barely have any uses at all...lol...oh yes and rason has a nice mango smellin' soap...
got the cubicle right in front of da door today...

kidnap!...our hostage was yu peng and he slept through the thing...lol...so we slacked a bit and "best" chief veron tricked us into thinking we got the key and ended up second last...

lights out at 11...but actually slept at 12 i think...as i couldnt sleep and kept waking up at night as it was so fucking HOT!

Day 2

woke at 6...played a bit of poker with sim, toon and j-ster...then chiong to breakfast...
the basketball court is damn sandy...just place your hand on the court and it will come back with a handful of sand...
BUDHHA CLAPS! they are the best sia...i think 500 is barely enough that day to satisfy our needs...as its the best activity ever!

was nearly ready was gladiator when it started raining and through the whole day...so ended up locked in the cage and getting fucked up to boredom with those activities...

practised our screwed up skit for a while...and ended up screweing it up even more...so we are screwed...

got the one at the far right at 15 today...still visible from the door but not as much as shi ning's favourite...

dinner was nice...had some donations and was duty group...played with ben and the trolley up the slope and the ice we were pushing up was leaking through a hole in the bag - -"...

had candle fight afterwards...defending only 1 pair of ppl...lol...like no one dared to come liddat...and brandon owns...

FLY INFESTATION! the toilets were pawned...

light's out at 10.30...so could not sleep...and yong ming crapped like shit until about 11 plus...pissing a couple off and entertaining nearly the whole dormitory...

Day 3

finally had water rafting...which was extremely fun...during which jalan boy emo-ed for more than an hour...aihs he a bit weird weird de la...siao de...so nvms~...

gladiator...probably the most nice activity...and JUSTINN TOON IS A FUCKING ACCURATE BASTARD...who took down 4 or 5 kings through all the rounds...i got 2 kings...and got hit once~

I'd never thought i would ask a girl for protection...but all are doing it now...LOLS.

captain's ball was very fun...especially the last round...with the poor lil' chicken being torn apart by 80 hands...and flung around in the air and landing to be covered in bits of grass...

got the head and the neck...but the neck broke into several pieces when i was trying to throw it...lol...and the best part was brandon...with the flying and spining chicken leg...on a graceful flight from one end of the field to the other...
had some last minute dry runs for the skit...and prepared ourselves for the screwing...

screwing time!...we screwed...and my balls hurt after the pants pullin'...

wen xin's dance most imba...and jj's beatbox is nice ~others very nice also...

then chief veron made me sleep with all that emo talk arnd midnite..light's out at 12.45...and nearly overslept that mornin'

Day 4

woke at 6.30...and cleaned out dorm 14...and there's still a piece of underwear in dorm 15 HAHA!

finally go liaos...cya st. john's island...

oh yes and the boat ride was like a roller coaster ride when it arrived at sg...

went to buy heaven at 7 eleven...never had ice lemon tea and sprite tasted so good...after 3 days of plain water and soya bean...
went home with veron and sim...

that's about it...post more when i have time...

73

Hey all...just realized got 2.4 for GPA this semester...wo0ts...i'm screwed like mother...i didnt realize my entire life can be compromized in just a couple of hours of that fucking parent teacher conference...

You may agree that my life is already so screwed in the first place...but now its screwer...aihs...there's no more chance...maybe that damn fortune teller was right...according to my grandmother..if i don't work like fucking **** hard this year...i will be screwed...and i admit i didnt work hard at all this semester...so its time to pay the price...

So is this the only thing everyone cares about now? grades? when does living life and being yourself mean anything all all as long as grades and certificates and scholarships exist? i know its unrealistic...or even spastic...to think about changing this fucked up world now...so let's just hope that it can end early so we won't suffer...

You see all those inspirational posters and quotes and shit...its about living life to the fullest and enjoying it...all those shit...does that matter in this world now? all which matters in this world now is working hard like fuck and getting all those grades and certificates and scholarships...and while those streamers erupt around you...its only a matter of time before you leave this world and not enjoy fame, fortune and power anymore...

There's this one shit which my father said which is seriously fucked up...he says "This world is very fair." its either he's a moron or he's spastic or he's too easily satisfied...or he's really very admirable to look on the bright side of this black world...

Also...it appears my parents like saying shit..."You are working hard for good grades for yourself!"...yeah right...if i want to help myself i won't be torturing myself like that...
i welcome the end with open arms...and i wish i can see the end of this fucking world in my lifetime...so i can run to the frontline, open my arms and embrace the journey to a happier world...

I regret coming to dunman high now...my parents fought hard for my appeal to get inside here...but what do i come here for? for my parents to haolian in front of their colleagues? i could have stayed in chung cheng and be happy with above average grades...but not a lousy struggler in dunman high surrounded by geniuses...

i hope that i will just drown and die during the level camp...or just trip on a rock and fall into the sea off st. john's island...because i have a solution for this...a very simple one...

shall i become an outcast? a bastard who had failed in everything...his grades...his life...his friends?...

I believe there's no possibility for me to continue playing basketball anymore...and my com allowance time may be decreased to even an hour per week...or worse...i get the quarantine...maybe even tv wont be available for long...and don't even mention outings...

Wo0ts...i just ruined my life...(ok maybe its this year and not my whole life)...

Shall i chain my arms and legs up to save myself? or should i chain my neck to save myself?

either way...i'm screwed...

...

Let's look on the not so dark side of things...something i've learnt from happy happy sw...

hmm...

let's see what "happy" stuff i have to talk about...

ok there's only one thing...

There's this budding writers thing which is something like CAP...about writing LA stuff and submitting them...but you don't get any $$ from CAP...but from this...you will actually get to have your works published and you will get 15% of profits! so i'm definitely in...and mind you don't tell my parents anything about that cuz i wanna keep the money if by luck and chance my works get selected...jia jian will be with me for the illustrations and some ideas for poems...i know it will be a long way until the submission but i am excited about the chance to earn and keep my own money...haha..and not be possessed by my parents...yeah and who want come join me also can...we'll split evenly the $$...IF we get it la...this is the real world...the big game...

yes ...and congratulations ant for having the permission to learn guitar...and congratulations on your happy outing =D...my time will come soon...and soon enough i can join you'all...wo0ts...but it's gonna take a lot of fucking hard work to get there...so you'll hafta wait...

camp's coming in the next 2 days..and i got ben balls, yun en, and pajama boy...but i don't know the rest of the ppl...aihs...let's see what's gonna happen...

72

Evening. I have a request to ask you all to go to the school forum and find my thread in general suggestions/opinions and comment about the problems in GPA...thanks and goodnight

71

hi wassup...ystd go EDS Night very nice...considering its my 1st outing of the year...biggest credits goes to xw for selling me the ticket...thanks a lot...and to the school...for making my parents believe i have to go for at least one outing...thanks chern wei! (or issit some1 else i dunno)...

i know that wenxin is violent...and exceptionally so in the act about the fire thing...and the dancers are pro and that EDS teacher who is very tall is very nice at making ppl laugh with his funny parody about singaporeans and women.

justinn has a vid of 2 of the performances...and i must say again that the dancers are pro...after watching them again...

and for some reason i feel sorry for their lead actor...as he kept getting hit painfully in the encore act.

and it was a full house that night...hell lotta ppl and some ppl , like ant, wear until very nice...come here suan ppl like me...

there's this pact i made with jj...after the show..."Let's do this again some other time."...so rest assured i will ensure i try to attend as many of your happy outings as possible in the future..even if it means defying "them"...

of course...as usual...i tio scolding after the concert for "walking out slowly"...and "not answering calls and messages"...and other damned stuff which you wil never have to worry about if you go on an outing...so thats one price to pay aside from the $10 for the ticket...

yes and another thing..."low" by flo-rida ft. t-pain is very popular amongst the students...i have noticed...as enthusiastic response was seen when the starting beats of the dance song played...

i hope that outings and concerts like this can happen again and hopefully i can attend them just like any one of you out there...

Cass,Jialing,Rachel,Wee Qin,Wenxin and all the other EDS peeps and that tall man :) = imba

Poetry

Happy Bugis-ing
Inspired by Justinn Toon Fu Jin

A word,
A sentence,
All you need to say,
A concert,
An outing,
You are going out today.

I'd pretend to know nothing,
As you made your slow decisions,
Not even letting them know a word,
You escape out of your prisons.

I'd look and smile, knowing that it is just usual.
I won't turn and sulk, but accept that it is real.
I'l follow suit, thinking that I'm like you,
Or you're like me.
But even though we walk the same road,
We are as different as anything can be.

Its just 15 and a nine,
And to me its just fine,
I thought that you would continue,
But alone I will walk this avenue.

Without warning, crowds of you will head out.
While I turn from the darkness outside the window.
I'd look, and laugh, and say goodbye,
Add a word of happy bugis-ing,
And turn to my death with a sigh.

thanks justinn toon for the inspiration...

sometimes i get the feeling that you do not bother reading any of my poetry..and i feel no point of posting more if no one would read them...but still i trust that even the meanest of ppl will have the little patience to read a few lines as they have money and time.

Here's one final piece of poetry today...inspired by EDS Night...or rather my way of attending it...

Last To Arrive, First To Leave

An anxious glance at my $2 watch,
My heart skipped beats, as the MRT rattles.
Through the crowds of people I dodge,
I am trying to win time's battles.

Don't worry, start without me,
I would say,
Don't say sorry, just go on,
Make your day.

A sprint to the escalator I would make,
Hoping I won't make the same mistake,
Of arriving late,
Simply following my fate,
Or crashing my own first date.

Its not my fault,
Till the bars of my cage become unlocked.
Guards gone, now my enemy is the clock,
I'd race against you, tick-tock, tick-tock.

I'd skid to a halt in front of your annoyed eyes,
And my blazing heat turns to ice.
A cold word of let's go,
I'd pant as i walk to and fro.

I'd enjoy it as much as you,
Because they won't make me a fool,
I will seize this chance to make the best,
And be happy for once like the rest.

But the nightmare reccurs after its over,
As missed calls and messages wreck my phone,
Once you hear me talking in that usual tone,
You'd know my time's up, game over.

I'd hastily say goodbye, and have fun,
As i turn away from the laughter and mirth.
Back to my prison i would run,
And hope quickly for the next rebirth.