Once in a lifetime,means there's no second chance...

Yos...today very nice sia...can go out and was among the first to arrive due to a lucky blow that he had to leave on an urgent meeting,watch movie,play arcade and got ant and jus to come me house play xbox!...wa...damn nice seh...only problem is the gals nvr come dunno why...me house too small ar?not high class enough for yur standard issit?lol...sian la...say want come dun want come waste so much time standin there tokin lor...then nearly tio catch cuz they went late...next time...make up your minds faster...

Once in a lifetime, means there's no second chance...

This was a once in a lifetime chance...and there may hardly be another once anytime soon...and yet you CHOSE to miss it.

When's the next one i wonder...

Early yet late...

Yos...i'm very happy that i am allowed out on wednesday which is tomorrow...to watch the seeker with you all, but all good things come at a price and setbacks...YOU mad dude wants to start it at 7...which is virtually IMPOSSIBLE for me to go...and i am very THANKFUL that you allowed it to be changed to 10,BUT even so,i won't be allowed out that early and i will definitely be "late",but its NOT MY FAULT! I'm very sorry all to reduce the duration of your happy fun play time,and you could've had more fun without me and my life restrictions to hold you up...so you can start having fun first without me...then i will join in about 1 hour after your fun begins.

I still wonder in awe how come all of you have so much freedom and free time,now i do not lament and feel remorse at all this...but a new feeling takes over,curiosity...HOW do you manage to attain so much freedom and allowance?...I NEED to LEARN how to get all of the freedom so i can enjoy it too. so if you have any form of action you do to get it,PLEASE TELL ME THANKS...see you tomorrow

what you all doin'?...life's changed...

Yos!What you all doing during the first phase of the holidays?Everything seems oddly quiet to me compared to your normal high standards even before term ended.I'm still living this same life...restricted,sian,sad...so how has your life changed since the start of the holidays?Mine makes a lot of difference though,i am now allowed to go to HappyFunPlayTime once every 2 weeks!instead of the usual once every 2 months!thats an improvement and i am allowed 2 hours of com everyday!not the usual 2 hours on weekends...and i am allowed to use the phone slightly longer than before!and also,i get to watch 2 hours of tv everyday!instead if the usual 1 hour everyday!Good eh?excellent...excellent...

As for the next happy play time,i am still waiting for the right moment to ask...as he does not seem to be in a good mood today...i will reply either late tonight...before 10.30,which is my limit to stay...or early tomorrow...the seeker,2 plus in the afternoon,wednesday,the usual gang...

I gtg..he really isnt in a good mood and shouting at me now...9 pm -_-...see ya!

simple luxuries...

I've grown to like my simple life even though sometimes i hate it...I enjoy many of life's simple luxuries...and i'm satisfied with it...haha...

Today played ball in the morning,afternoon and evening...and had a hearty good meal at coffee shop after that...then when driving home from tiong bahru i played my own cd of my favourite songs...listening to my own favourite songs while driving at high speed along a highway at night is a very nice thing indeed...

Life has been better when i appreciate it being simple and easy...an occasional hour or two of com...a rare touch of an xbox controller...and sometimes pressing my finger out on my psp game of AceCombatX...

And i've just downloaded microsoft flight simulator x and it's really complicated to fly a plane...but the graphics are amazing and realistic...

Current games played - Maple,Audi,O2,Pangya,KongKong,Gunbound,Rakion,Halo...

a lot eh?...lol fun...

The best luxury of it all is playing the com in the evening...by the window with a cool breeze blowing through...with a cup of iced water and some fruit to go along...pure relaxation...

Listening to my favourite songs along in a car at 99 kmp/h at night on the expressway...watching the orange streetlights flash past and looking up at the cloud shrouded moon...perfect luxury...

This stuff will have a part in one of my CAP poems,I am here,You are there.
Stay tuned!

"I enjoy life's simple luxuries,and it keeps me happy."

"Look at things simply,and it will make everything easier."

Listening to music while stacking a house of cards...
Watching a movie on tv while sipping iced water...
Playing occasionally with magnetic darts...
Isn't this luxury?It can't get better!

Haha...i love my simple luxurious life...

betray and restriction

I just remembered this...SOMEONE OUT THERE READING THIS BLOG BETRAYED ME AND SOMEHOW MY PARENTS KNEW ABOUT THIS ONLY OUTLET FOR MY PAIN AND FRUSTRATION...WHO IS THAT?!?!YOU BETTER WATCH OUT ALRIGHT!THEY ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT THIS OTHERWISE I AM DOOMED AND I'VE LOST MY ONLY MEANS OF HYPERVENTILATION OF MY ANGER AND MAKING OTHERS REALISE WHAT THEY ARE REALLY BLESSED WITH AND APPRECIATE IT...THUS EDUCATING THE MOST WHO ARE HAPPY!

Ever wondered how it felt to be shouted at to stop using the computer...not playing...msning...and chatting...after using it for slightly more than half and hour?...and being lectured fiercely about using computer at night is not good..and while most of the people are still online...you can't imagine or winder...cause you are too good and happy and blessed to think in my way and live my life...

the black book

So...how to recover after this ordeal?...several engage in HappyFunPlayTime! with fellow classmates and think it through through having fun...some return to daily normal lives and look for simple leisure and entertainment...some continue to feel the aftermath of the impact even after some time...but eventually recover...but i can't...

That blaze of luck when i got to go out was wasted when most of you won't mind and wont be assaulted and bombarded with questions when you have last-minute changes in HappyFunPlayTime! plans...most of you won't mind making last minute changes which can seriously endanger my chances and can still continue to have fun in blissful ignorance and peace even when you get home...i still don't get why...

I was happy in primary school and did not know what was HappyFunPlayTime! and was contented with my life...

Secondary school opened my eyes to this confusing world of cruel bias,unfairness and others who are much more priveledged than me and yet don't really appreciate it and take it for granted...unlike me who so used to be happy with the restricted life i had...and now it was and eye-opener...letting me realise the poverty i was in so i could strive for the better for myself...

Hidden danger is within me and i must realease it...but unfortunately...yes...unfortunately is just the word...for me.

We are all living things and have feelings...so why are we trated so differently?...

exams...

The report books are back...perfectly coloured and decorated to fit the state with are in now...black...GPA 2.67...the amount which is more than enough to be lethal to me...
Failed expectations...which are all at least A and i only got 2 As...

At least the holidays are coming and i got the nice silver man trophy for the interclass...
And this little bit of holiday homework is very acceptable as we have 2 months to complete it...yet many groan and whine that it is too much to take...THIS IS LIFE...FACE IT...YOU CAN'T CHANGE IT!

And another thing came out...the class league...got 2nd but nothing and the shield for the 1st place is nice...

Ever wondered how two people with the same results can react so differently to it?...

Lets take it that 2 ppl in the class got 2.77 for GPA...

The first guy clutches his hair in dissapointment and slumped over on the table in fear...afraid of the treatment he was going to get at home...this common situation...

The 2nd dude took his paper...merely smiled and shrugged...knowing nothing seriously bad will happen to him at home and he could still enjoy his holidays...


The results are the same...but the results after receiving the results are very different...

One gets killed while the other enjoys...

I appears quite a number of you can still manage to xiang kai about the results...amazing how you can be oblivious to a would be pounding in my household which you are unlikely to get...

This is examinations...intricately created...exquitsitely designed...sinisterly modified...to kill...
It does not kill directly...but maximises damage after the first blow of moderate damage...both a physical and phsycological weapon...powerful...

"Face it,this is life,and you can't change it..."

cap

I've reckoned out a few ideas for the CAP file and intend to work on them over the holidays..i need suggestions and stuff so help me out thanks =)...

I intend to write 7 poems and 3 prose...kinda overshot but i wanna do well to get my marks...and tis important...it counts in the CA1...

Poems
I-Silhouette(to be edited)
II-Ace of Spades(to be edited)
III-Rain(to be edited)
IV-It's Over(exam)
V-Have Fun(Coming soon)
VI-You are there,I am here(coming soon)
VII- - (unthoughted out yet lol coming soon)

Prose

I - Racing Through the Skies

II - Smiles Last Forever

III- Broken Hourglass (A Classic,must read!)

Poem V - Have Fun

This features the feeling of a person when he realises he was not going to be as happy as his friends and tries to be happy for them instead of feeling negatively towards this cruel reality...

Poem VI - You Are There, I Am Here

This features the feeling of differences between a person and his good friend and yet he tries to bridge those distances and gaps...

Poem VII - This would be one of my ace elite works...i am still thinking and suggestions are welcome...but do not give noob stuff..you know my style of writing...you know what type to suggest...and you know my ideas...


Prose I - Racing Through the Skies

This features a young teenager with an ambition to become a pilot when he grows up and tries to achieve his goal,but ends up in disaster when problems stand in his way of becoming a fighter pilot and afterwards,a commercial airliner pilot.

Prose II - Smiles Last Forever

This features a classic story of two awkward teenagers trying to get along with each other and became much more than friends as they overcame obstacles in life and went through thick and thin and made many new discoveries.Inspired by real life events.

Prose III - Broken Hourglass

This classic's genre is fantasy and features a young protagonist who is skilled in the art of fighting,but has to overcome many obstacles to achieve what he was destined to do,to find and protect the Hourglass of Time,which controls all time in the universe.


So you are welcome to give suggestions and stuff...thanks...

cap file and portfolio?...

Hellos...its been a few days since the last post..how are you all doing? Getting well after receiving those dreadful results? Hope you are...otherwise end up like me...having to struggle through every painful moment...



Today tried to chiong IT but then got ppl book the lab again...just like yesterday so had to go early lor...sianz...but then Ms Huang postpone deadline so nvms...



How was PlayFunTime at Anthony's house today?Fun?Enjoyable?Or did something happen while i am not there?lols...

Even though I may seem very perturbed by the painful fact of reality that most of you can have fun while i can't...but i'm trying to change that...with the thought that since my friends are having fun and feeling happy...i should feel happy for them and not sulk and be jealous of the amount of excessive freedom which is happily presented to them in large quantities and of which i am so deprived of...

But even so as i try...this lingering feeling of unease and discomfort still remains to protect the very bit of jealousy and hatred still within me...I'm holding back my remorse and retorts...but anger and frustration would soon overtake me entirely...

JJ Chim,my only source of comfort and reassurance...you share my pain and point of view...

I still wonder in awe sometimes why are most of you so much more priveledged and while i am not given the chance to express myself...this is wonder and interest at the first time and in the first place...but slowly to be replaced with regret,rage,remorse,dissapointment,sorrow,anger and unhappiness...

What matters most now in this world in most people's view are to be as good as others...while not to be as good as yourself...others are the ones who bring you up and down...

I find it hard to accept the truth that I would never find happiness...unlike the many fortunate others around me...and I feel happy for them =)...and yet it would not work out as well as i thought=(...

"Face the cruel reality that is life"
-Jazz

"Life is fun and enjoyable and we should make happiness out of it if we can"
-The Others

I am not the others...

rain reflects mood after exam...

today...it seems the impact of exam results are greater than imagined...
and the school is trying to waste our time to recover from this ordeal in forcing us do disabled stuff?...

Feel the pain...even if you don't

And even the weather reflects the moods...it was very rainy...

Even so there is not enough savings for a rainy day...

Anthony...jia you =)

MRT , Bearer of all , Verses I to II

The MRT bears all,
Not just in the literal sense,
It watches rise and fall,
And clashes mild and intense.

The MRT watches us,
In silence and with noise,
It listens to us so thus,
It is one who hears our voice.

exams...back

Received all the papers today... 2 C and 2 B and 2 A lol ...dammit...lousy...dead...

Mass Massacre (Exam)

The teacher walked in and slammed the bag on the table,
Containing the results of our long hard labour,
Feelings get tense,heartbeat gets fast,
The exam results are coming at last.

Slowly the product of many trees get passed around,
Some cry in pain while some are safe and sound,
Those two numbers,decide the fate of our lives,
Written in blood,just like life thrives.

Language Arts,Maths,Geography,
Science,Chinese and History,
Those are just a few forms of torture,
To decide all in the present and future.

Most are killed by this,
But escape-proof it seems,
All back at once,it is finally here,
Pain,anguish,examination mass massacre.

ahh...so painful...

On a happier note,i'll like to wish justinn happy b'day and congratulate him on the excellent harvest of presents he had got this year...haha...and i wish all the late year born people to have a good harvest too!

Birthday Harvests(first verse)

Its a bright sunny morning,
Perfect for anything happy,
Its your birthday,
Its today,
Ah,the presents are coming.


ah..no time liao...they are coming...gtg post tomorrow if i can survive till then...have fun!

its over...at lasst...but

Sorry for late update as i was too immersed in playing game after exam...its over...but even so some things undesirable remain...

5 more minutes,and It's over

I'm sitting here,on this dark blue chair,
With my head bowed,legs crossed,hands in my hair,
The papers under my dark blue table,
The result of a long time of labour.

I'm sitting here,10th October,2007,
With twenty minutes to eleven,
In the air-conditioned classroom,
Having survived the period of doom.

I'm sitting here,10.41 in the morning,
The excitement throbbing within me could make me sing,
I stared blankly at the white wall,glazed with sunlight,
The time after this would be bright.

I'm sitting here,staring at the clock,
Its second hand ticking,i want to say,but can't talk,
To express the excitement threatening to burst
at 10.42,spurring me to be the first.

I'm sitting here,10.43,watching the second hand,
Fingering my calculator,spinning my pen,
As the teacher said,two minutes left,
To everything else save happiness,i am deaf.

I'm sitting here,waiting for one more minute,
60 more seconds,no longer i can sit,
to wait that long,and remain silent,
wating for the explosion of violence.

Pressing the calculator,minus one,minus one,
As it melted into seconds,almost done.
10,9,8,7,6,5,4,
3,2,1,its over,once and for all.

Haha...i like it,kinda nice,and really i was pressing my calculator minus one minus one...lol...
Went to watch balls of fury that day after exam,i went home rather "late" for my standards...but nothing for yours though...haiz...after exam...though...but still sad...but at least better,can't expect the best out of everything...

oh yeah...sadly...i can't go to your family outing,justinn...but its beyond my control...

"Its just those little circumstances which prevent the best of happiness from happening."

dead?isolated and not one

Some people,or rather all,always need some relaxation...i understand that,but,amazingly,shopping and having fun playing com in the midst of the exam?ah..ain't no criticising...but it is something new to me and never seen before.
cool...to have so much freedom...ever appreciated it?ever wondered how you got so much freedom and fun?
if you dont care or appreciate...it is time to realise...
Luckyers,funners.happyers...ah everywhere...interesting eh?use com and msn tok tok...very fun eh?
I am isolated from my friends,isolate from the country,the world,the universe.
I feel like i am alien compared to you all...not part of you,not part of this society.
Not part of you...
While i am typing out my lament,you are probably having fun?moments of exhiliration...probably you don't feel it anymore as you are too used to this happiness and yet you demand more?...
...

... Part I - ... ,Lines I to XII

...
Don't feel like part of you all,
Always having to answer angry calls,
...Its not right,its not nice...
...The devil from within will rise...
Extremely noisy,yet strangely silent,
My life then and now is barren.
...Its all wrong,its all bad...
...Rage will overcome sad...

...My friends,my dear friends...
...All these makes no sense...
...I feel like not part of you...
...And there's nothing i could do...

Jazz


Extract:"Ha!I would never be the one to say,"Let's have fun!",but i will always be the one to stand by the side and wave and say,"Have fun...".

"He stood at the spot on which many months ago,he stood to wait for her in the evening."Have fun..."he said quietly,and he turned and vanished in to the crowd,to head back to his prison,alone."

"The gang of girls were having fun,with no worry in mind,care-free,having fun,yet less than a few kilometres away,he was being tortured and kept in confinement,isolated from the others."

"Many years later...He was scrabbling at the lock on the door,frantic to get out.He thought he heard footsteps coming from the room.Finally he got it open.Pocketing the key and casting one last dark look around the sad yet beautiful prison,he slammed the door,leaving the solitary note lying on the floor..."

"I'm sorry,but you were the ones who forced me to do it..."

'"Smile!"he said loudly,"you are fortunate enough to have this gift bestowed on you!And yet you don't appreciate it!"With that he stormed from the great house,past the glittering car,into the night."

'"How much stuff have you got left?"he asked anxiously."Not much,i've nearly used up all my funds and provisions..."said the other."Good luck.""You too."'

"Finally he had found the house.Standing wet and dripping in front of the door,he knocked.Heart thundering,he quickly ran over what to say.She opened the door.She started,and asked,"What brings you here?And why are you so wet?"He stammered on the edge of speech,fingering the box of elaborately wrapped chocolates."I...er...",he stuttered.She frowned slightly,then smiled and whispered,"I know..."'

"Pain and jealousy gripped him from within as he watched..."

"He smiled and disappeared into the darkness."

Smile,for you have a great gift bestowed upon you and yet you can't stop lamenting?

Hoping for the best...5 more days...