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evening ya'll...if you detest emo-ness or chim language, pls leave now..cuz the post below is goin to be somethin liddat..i dun want you all to get ideas against me if you dislike my views..

sup y'all...i suppose ya'll are preparin for the ginormous outing tmr? i suppose so..toon's list on the sms is huge! (by my standards that is..maybe not for you)
i was invited..but for no particular point..cuz you will be wasting your sms..i'm helpin ya to save some $$..so unless i suddenly become so free to be able to play more than 2 hours of psp a day...you know my parents have unlocked some chains..so maybe you should sms me at that kinda time..not now..

hmm...nothing much to do at home now..except 2 hours of psp a day and 2 hours of com a day..not bad eh? 4 hours of digital entertainment a day..its not bad for me..i don't wanna find out how much you ppl get to make you feel that its "not bad", let alone the amount you want to make you feel that its "good"..

hmm...i'd rather lose some of my psp and com time to come out with ya'll and have some fun out there..i'd rather not be rotting at home like some game addicted bastard with no life at all...

so how's your life now? after the EOYs? i suppose its good...compared to me i guess...but maybe its just not enough for you eh?

hmm...i suggest you start appreciating what you have..and stop complaining abt your boredness...and i know i am contradicting myself...as i am complaining abt my life as well..BUT...are you trying to make a difference? i am...even though its probably impossible...for years i have endured..and for even more years had i been an idiot and thought my life was great...

from P1 to P5...i gave no thought abt life...and thought my life was great...as i thought i only sufffered minor setbacks...

from p6, i started thinking...why is it that they can have this and i cannot? why is it they everyone has more freedom than me?

i started to rebel, and it was a mistake...from this point on, nearly everything was gone..1 outing...JUST 1 OUTING...in the entire year of p6...and only chances for a couple of sneaks...

Sec 1 - 3 approved outings...plus about 10 sneaks...thats an amazing record...as the 1.5 hours travelling time bt sch and jail gave me plenty of opportunities...

Sec 2 - 2 approved outings so far..and thats EDS night...and it wasnt technically an outing either...i pretended that it was compulsory...and related to sch stuff...so they probably wont let me out if it was just plainly for recreation...and i had abt 2 sneaks...one in the first sem and 1 during the mrt breakdown at bugis...

hmm...actually the emoness dont only come from the lack of outings...actually...if you all had the same amount of outings as me (even though you probably would have been dead under those conditions), i will feel perfectly fine...

i won't deny that i harbour large amounts of jealousy for you all...being able to have fun freely and with friends...i'm not addressing the general public out there...as i know some suffer the same conditions as me...someone similar would be jj...and shing chun...

so its mainly the fact that you all can have fun and i can have less which is making me such a bastard...

youall tell me to ask..and ask i did...but to no avail...i see no point wasting my breath and a chance for more now...as everything is stacked against me...i used to cherish a small slice of hope that i can come out for half an outing...but now i fall into hopelessness...not anger or annoyance... now i feel HOPELESS.

am i asking for too much? 1 GOD DAMN OUTING SO FAR IN THIS YEAR? AND IF YOU COULD CALL IT 1 OUTING...MAYBE HALF OF AN OUTING?

i know they probably wont read this...i trust my readers to keep my blog a secret from them...thank you all for making this blog possible for more than a year now...

am i an annoyance for lamenting about my unchangable life?...probably... so i am going to spout it all out for now...

Reasons to emo abt my life :

1) Lack of outings
2) Most ppl having more outings than me
3) Jealousy sustained from experience
4) Less amount of fun received compared to others
5) Lack of people with similar experiences to talk to and share our stories(jj and sc so far...sometimes michelle)
6) General lack of freedom (tv, time alloted for reaching home, time alloted for going out etc.)
7) No house key
8) No privacy (daily inbox raids, bag raids, wallet raids etc)
9) No chance to defend myself, or speak my thoughts
10) All causing a sense of hopelessness for life, and a loss of hope to continue living

i think thats SOME of it...i have much to lament about...but little to do to change it..

think of it...try placing yourself in my life...and see how you feel...i know its going to be hard imagining destroying your own life and ending up in mine...but try...and if you succeed...it will be like a realistic horror movie which will never end...

speaking of movies...you all have fun watching the hottest blockbusters tgt eh? i think some of you have watched enough tgt to write books on movie reviews...

but...on the not so dark side (but not bright)...i've got the psp so far...2 hours a day...and the com (2 hours a day), and plenty of channels on the tv (currently no limit set) wo0ts! its not bad already...considering my life's usual circumstances...but probably a killer for you? hmm...

anyways..have fun trying to empty those wallets which will never be thinned, and have fun watching those movies which will never end, and have fun going on outings which fun is infinite...and the amount of freedom you receive from your parents is infinite...

have fun...and good night..