finally...

Good Evening, finally can post le...excellent...com still havent fixed but mighta guess i would take a risk...so nvms...hmm...mother's been overseas for 1 week...and promised to be back yesterday...but then delayed by 5 more days by some more matters to take care of...hmm...i had always knew adults could have never kept promises...and my outing is in grave danger...hmm...i had expected this quite some time ago...homework halfway through...maths done and CAP almost...left chinese...wa sianz...CAP is ok la...but ran out of ideas after poem 12...i planned my titles first...then worked from there...now left 3 poems...i hope i can make it to da outing...but it depends on luck...so until then...i've gotta wait...thanks for the birthday well-wishes...i doubt there will be more posts until my com is fixed...i do not wish to take any more risks...so...Merry Christmas...

Forced to hide that contempt with a smile...

Hmm...what if your grandmother decided to visit from overseas during your holiday...for...2 weeks? that may be good for you oh i don't know...gifts? fun? freedom? oh i don't know...but in my case...well...you don't wanna know...but i'm tellin ya...

Buisness partner came along...inventor of the highway signboards and stuff which light up in the dark...and those glow in the dark stuff which you paste on the walls...innovative..creative and ambitious...but utterly bitter for me...

Yep rich ppl who count money in millions and stocks and property...and everything must go along with ...so i am forced to give up my favourite seat in the world so far...the left front seat of my dad's car...and be squeezed in the back row in the middle between my grandmother on my right and my mother and sister on my left..yep...i have long legs and wide shoulders and a generally tall build...so i'm stuck there...but lucky me i am pretty thin...so its one good thing...but it is drowned by more problems...

Yep...good dinner...but hardly anything to satisfy my gi-normous appetite which is contrary to the inventor's amazingly tiny vegetarian stomach...so its a problem...went home with stomach aching with hunger...yep...but another good thing is that i got a new pair of converse shoes...black and gold...very nice...but it does not fit me well...they misread the male 10 US size as the female 11.5 US size...which means they think i am female or they are not english literate...so i gotta wear them as many times as possible before my foot outgrows the shoe...which is going to be pretty soon...considering my usual size of 11...

Erm...me and my grandmother don't get along very well...i mean...not as well as a obedient grandson to a fussy but caring grandmother...i'm rebellious...which is contrary to what she likes...and what she likes is obedience and going by her ways...which is contrary to her character...if you can get through all that mind-tounge tying o get what it means...

Well...there are lots more to say...whatever they talk about is not what i like exactly...if you think i am the treasurer and therefore likes exploring the world of finance and money...in short...the world of adults...then you are wrong...the world of adults is a dangerous yet boring territory which shouldnt be accesible to us younger people...enjoying the full fun of life in our teenage years but unfortunately their world has invaded much into ours and changed it greatly...thus greatly influencing us and my life can be a simple example...but i am not so easily perturbed...fron those long and ardous talks i understand about their world and how to stop it...but unfortunately i wont be able to do it in time before we too reach the years which is time for us to be consumed into their world too...

I believe i can change the world to the way in which it will be more fun and carefree without the woes of the slight 1 mm decline on the stock market chart and the jolt of excitement resulting in heart attack when hearing the news of rapidly growing property markets...i believe i can change the world...but i need help and support...so are you in?

unfortunately i can't elaborate more as now i am forced to hide my contempt with a smile which reveals my ugly teeth...and i still wonder why they complain i don't smile enough in photographs when they know very well they are the problem...and my fate and destiny adds to it...for a long long time...my face remains blank and expressionless in my photo album...but i hope that will change..

"I'm trying to stop what is happening to others now...but not in time to stop it from happening to us..."

Best Times

I got my new phone...N81...damn nice and got alot entertainment stuff..still havent got used to nokia phone yet...so need some time...all this is gettin better and better...got new phone...got slightly more freedom...but i still havent done holiday homework...and they are quite pissed...wahh sian...dun feel like starting...but CAP should be quite easy for me...and i havent visited asknlearn for more than a month lol...i'll be posting more next time...now very sian...

The Next Outing

Hey yos...quite some time bo post le rite eh? lols...i'm posting in the mornin as both parents got work at the tv station going on...so yeah...no intently peering eyes at the computer screen and sudden rushes into the room to see what i'm doing...so its good :D. Eh anyways whens the next outing? my parents are softening up recently for some particular reason...i dunno which...and they start asking me how come i'm not asking them for permission for more outings...well...thats what they said ..."嗨，为什么最近没来烦我？为什么不出去和你那些一天到晚出去玩的朋友玩呢？是不是考试不好呢？lol...thats kinda what they said...cuz they ask me for the exam results for nearly everyone i know...which is nearly everyine in the class...and they compare me with them - -"...and also...it appear i did not seem as lousy as they expected....compared to the others hehe...yeah...not in the bottom of the class at least? hehe...they say the others all whole day go out play play also exam not so good lol...actually very good le...in my opinion...then i tried to rebel and stuff...but then they say don't care what others do and think..."just do what we tell you to do"...but then when they go for those boring buisness dinners and meetings and stuff they seem to mind "quite some" about what others think of them...like my dad saying his buisness is blooming and he wants a new car...apparently a better good looking luxury sedan to have a show for his fellow buisness partners...and my mom saying i must wear collared shirts and long pants when his buisness partners heartily invite the whole family to expensive dinners...and also they want to return the favour by treating them too...to great good expensive dinners..."to my advantage too...hehe...good food yeah"...

So anyway...whens the next outing? since they are softening up i better seize the chance eh? or i got something to write about for chinese compo if next year give us same topic...

The Next Outing ,Version I

I'm here,withering in my house,
Stuffed with boredom and wrapped in restlessness,
In a bucket of fun i tried to douse
myself,
But the bucket had a leak,curses!

Finally i recieved news of the next outing,
I've seized the chance and i'm already preparing,
Finally an end will come to this boredom and pain,
And i smile at the thought that i will see you again.

we met today...a rare chance...

We Met Today (15th November AD 2007)

One month from my birthday 2007,
I met the one who made my world truly vibrant,
Even though we met in the dark and dim,
That meeting meant much more than it seems.

It was on a Thursday,my frequent routine,
Of practice and training,endless it seems,
I've always faced it with fear and dread,
But today it will change,i will revive from the dead.

I've always taken it at a walk,
Walking in silence without noise and talk,
But then in the distance i saw you there,
I will jerk out of my silence today,I don't care.

We neared each other at the other side,
Thinking quickly,i will decide,
To do this or to do that,i don't know,
But i will try a different image to show.

I decided on a simple talk of hello,
And hoped it would be sweet and mellow,
But then you did not reply nor respond,
I was afraid i had done something wrong.

I hung my head and walked on,
A heavy coat of disappointment i had donned,
But then miraculously everything turned 180,(one eighty)
You looked up in surprise,enthusiastic and friendly.

You said hello,i said hi,
My spirits were lifted up high,
I could've sworn i saw you smile,
That scene i'll remember for quite a while.

Mingled awkwardness,happiness and surprise,
They formed a bridge between us,forever it will rise,
You had changed my ordinary,boring day,
To something i shall remember forever,i could say.

As you walked away,too did i,
That brief 3 seconds i will not forget till i die,
Smiling as i walked into the drizzling rain,
I hoped in secret it will happen again.

other nice poem

I feel your eyes upon me,
and force myself not to look your way.
This endless game we play gets harder
each cold night and empty day.

Its always been written in the pages,
its always been between the lines.
Those invisible clues
we leave for each other to find.

How long will our game last?
How long till you are just a ghost in my past?

I sense you pass behind me in a crowded room,
back to back we stand
and I feel your fingertips brush mine.
Yet that is as close to holding hands as we shall get,
without leaving clues others may find.

How long till you next come to me?
How long till we may steal a moment
a touch out of range of prying eyes to see?

You know I cannot tell her.
You know I do not know how.
Yet we both know it is impossible,
theres nothing we can do now.

So we’ll meet in secret,
Every mark hidden,
Never to be known,
For our love is forbidden.

this nice poem is done by someone else other than me...found it while surfing online...its kinda nice...i hope i will be as pro as that guy one day...

also...if there is any more outings tell me early early...otherwise my chances are very low...haiz sianz...holidays = sianz...not posting longer cuz they are coming back from buisness dinner soon...sianz...gotta post in secret...

Night isn't a limit...for me...

Yos...i'm posting again as now very sian nobody online maple and mom go out...so seize the chance to post lo...heheh...erms...about the monday watching anthony dance through the HD camera thing...i am quite certain i can go!its certainly a miracle coming true! Yeah!...lols...dunno why la...now stuff getting better lo...but it still comes with a price though...hafta answer a massive payload of questions and stuff...and much doubts from my answers and mistrust etched in their faces...but they have no proof i've been to the arcade and been shopping...so yeah its fine...and i just got selected for the SF yeah...its gonna be fun haha...go play play with the next year the year 1s hehe...others are Elaine,Jia Ling,Wee Qin,both justin'n's and HongYi...yeah...

I'm beggining to feel night isn't a limit for me...its 6.30 pm...way past the time my parents usually allow me out alone...dunno for what reason haha...shing chun should very well know...lol...well...but its until 8.30pm and they have hardly any objections...so its getting better and better...it used to be once in 3 or 4 months but now i can go out like once in a week...better than what i expected once in 2 weeks...YEAH!

I've decided to reveal the first 2 verses of my 7th poem in the CAP,"The 7th Poem"...

I'm sitting here,writing this,
Hoping it will not go amiss,
This is the 7th poem of my CAP,
Which you are dearly welcomed to read.

Why am I writing this,i don't know,
But it's simply for marks i've been told,
Marks,grades,certificates,all,
Is all this world only cared for.

Whatdayya think? good enough to inpress who would be most likely our LA teacher, A.A.?

I'm trying not to accept the fact...but if it really is...then i have no choice but to face it...

Thats the problem with some of you...you don't choose to accept the facts even though its true reality...this leads to over thinking and usage of brain and avoiding the painful,cruel reality.Thats the problem...

But some however,can think it through in a very sensible and open way...and not get more problems with the harsh reality...I admire those who can...i really do...but its amazing how you could do it...thats what i call 想得开。。。

More revelations...

I am here,you are there,
There's many things we can compare,
And differences we need to share,
And i hope that you would care.

Yeah well...its kinda difficult to convey those messages...most of you wouldnt understand...~

I still remember those words...

夸张。。。

Its ok 的啦！

Terming me as "he"...lols...how we always tried to avoid looking at each other ~

Even so we got a glance or two lols...

I'll see you on mon...yeah...

100% to 1%..........

Hey all...i can't wait for tomorrow...its gonna be fun yeah...but i'm missing out the front...kinda nice part though...shopping...

Ah shopping...the simple act of exchanging hard earned cash for simple life's needs and wants...erm...mostly wants in your case ...haha...

Sorry for this ultra short post...mom's eyeing me from the sofa...simple to see my screen...eh...ah...sad...see you all tomorrow...even though i am missing out on some...i am contended with little...100% against 1%...

Yos...wanna save posts so i'm stating todays post from yesterdays...

Today quite fun la...play 1 round of daytona and watch the bee movie...lol...justinn's idea...nearly fell asleep halfway through...and i've just discovered...ant can dance! thats amazing...street jazz huh?...not bad eh?...haha...ima come attack you with High Definition Camera...i still can't imagine ant trying to dance...but ima go to samsung for help...as its not that hard to imagine...lol...

Dude you are making me excited about monday...ima get 2.0 megapixels definition of anthony's true dance talent...haha...all quite free eh? can go dance lessons de...me no freedom nor time nor fun...so sad lors lols~...

I've nearly finished my CAP lo...so now sianz....but i'm always open and eager for outings...if conditions permits...yeah...most of you are quite fine and free with stuff but i am not...yeah...so its not my fault if i can't join you in your fun eh?...but today was lucky though...they were in a good mood yesterday i guess...so yeah...

Quotes and stuff...

"How would you feel,if your privacy is heavily penetrated and invaded?In incidents such as,having your handphone and email message inbox "ripped through" by your dad?They belong to you and is yours to peruse when desired,not for others..."

"How would you feel,if others are enjoying at a minor level of labour,but you are hardly getting anything from a result of heavy labour and stress?"

"How would you feel,if you can't join your friends in their moments of fun,but instead forced to be confined at home,or rather,prison,to do stuff which are not of enjoyment and fun,but merely more stress,strife,and pain?"

"How would you feel,if all the above statements are not your fault and you did nothing to deserve them,but yet still receive them while others are being treated the opposite or much less of it?Which is to mean,they are enjoying while you are not,but its not your fault..."

"I tell you how i would feel,i would feel curious...how did they manage to get so much freedom and fun?And i will try to pursue it..."

"I tell you how i feel,i will feel a ripple of inspiration for rebellion for my own rights..."

"I tell you how i would feel,i would feel like simply crashing down 11 floors through numerous bamboo poles to my death..."

"I tell you how i would feel,i would feel the cruel intent which preceded murder,to fight for myself and not go down that easy..."

"Heheh...you can keep doing this to me...but you better be aware of what you would get if this continues..."

"Years from now...rebellion will stir among me...and possibly...us..."

"You better watch out..."

wahh sian just cut my hair look moronic...

There was this plan i had which was to be executed during the holidays...i will not cut my hair for the length of time if the holidays...and see how i look by the end of it...and its easy to expect...with the Discipline Master out of the way...next come parents...my dad is quite ok with it...but my mom...she came back from china after a 3 week trip 2 days ago ...and the moment she saw me...well...you can guess...all the usual came...and especially my hair...which was just touching my eyebrow and reaching my ears...well...just cut tonight and i look moronic...well...i'm not saying that Gordon is moronic but...well...his hairstyle suits him but mine don't...my original what i call "untidy" style suits me best...mine now resembles a pinecone with short spikes and with a slightly longer fringe coming down at the front...its stupid i tell ya...

This has been the worst ever...i've never been more angry at my hair...THIS IS MY BODY,MY FACE,MY HAIR! WHY MUST YOU MAKE DECISIONS HOW THEY MUST LOOK LIKE?
THIS IS MY LIFE AND I SHALL DETERMINE HOW ME,MYSELF LOOK!(under rules and restrictions of course) BUT THIS IS TOO MUCH! AND YOU SCOLDED ME LYK SIAO FOR JUST HAVING SLIGHTLY LONG HAIR AND IS NOW FORCING ME NOT JUST TO TAKE A TRIM...BUT TO CUT TILL LYK...LYK...I DUNNO WHAT TO SAY!

of course...if one day we are going for another outing and you see me wearing a hat...dun ask why..

"You own your own body,your own mind,your own soul.Don't let others make decisions for it or take control for it.Whats yours is yours...nobody else should interfere..."

I always suffer what the message above is trying to prevent...take the example of my haircut i just gave...take another one...neoprint...its ok la...except for the pink part...but my mother absolutely detests it...everytime she sees that while window shopping she will point it out to me and say..."That is an awful waste of money.All those rich and spoilt girls go there to waste their parent's hard earned money.I even see boys there sometimes.Don't you ever let me see you taking that!"

Thats why its difficult to answer the question in my friend test =)...the few neoprints i had ever taken are hidden in secluded corners of my wallet...not to display openly and not get scolded by good parents...or unless your wallet is not always rummaged and checked through by your parents?...if yours is not...lucky you...as i suffer it and the serious lack of privacy...my handphone inbox also...always bombard me with questions about my inbox contacts..."who is that'? "boy or girl?" "psle score?" "where they live?" "what kind of house?" ahh those questions...damn this thing...

If the same thing which happens to me happens to you...you must not go down that easy...heheh...give them the hell fron yourselves...

looking through other blogs

Hello,i've been blog browsing this afternoon as the games do not entice me anymore and the xbox power adapter is melting...i've just noticed how nice other people's lives are...i no longer feel jealous and remorse anymore...now i feel CURIOSITY at how they manage to become so pro...(you know what i mean by pro)...and..well...how am i supposed to get it? Teach me people...teach me...how to manage to get such a nice and free life...for the first time...i am willing to learn...lol...

remember to take the new friend test below...its quite simple...but i'll promise a tougher one soon enough...

I've decided to post some poetry today...but just a bit...this is included in my CAP...

Have Fun,CAP Poem V,Verses I and IV

This is a common scene,
Its observed very oftenly,
We are standing at the train station,
Everything's in slow motion,
As i watch you walk down the stairs quickly,
This scene many times i have seen.

Many times we sat together on the train,
Everything's the same for both of us,
We've walked through sunshine and thundering rain,
But never was being same a must.

I'm so different from you,
We are two worlds apart,
I'm so far away from you all,
And nobody would ever hear my call,
Nor ever bothered where we part,
Or ever cared for what i do.

We bade goodbye beside the map,
Which many months ago i had stood,
I watched you hurry down the steps,
In a "going to have fun" mood.

I've combined two types of verses and rhyme in this poem...you should know the scene though...this happens so oftenly...

tag or die

Yos ppl...can i ask you for a favour?...PLEASE TAG...i'm updating nearly everyday and yet i see no new tags...this makes the blog very sian if i see no one tagging...and i've updated the music thing also...just tag alrite?...thanks..

This day marks 45 more days to my birthday...which strangely enough i am very anticipating this year's birthday for dunno what reason...i didnt much enjoy the previous years...i just get this feeling this year's would be nicer and better than the other years...but i can't shake off the feeling something might go nightmarishly wrong...it is either very nice or very bad...i'm feeling confused and stuff...but its still 45 days more...so i gotta wait...

The 7th Poem

Hey all...i've decided on the 7th and the last poem on the cap file liao...ima name it "The 7th Poem"...lol...kinda lame but once you read it it would be nicer than you think...lol...eh...i'm sorry for my intruding and nosiness but actually i'm quite interested to read what the others have to write about in the CAP...i know its still far too early to start on the things but since i have interest in it i will tend to finish it earlier...heys...really i'm sorry for the nosiness and what you'd call act-cool and action...but then its just my interest to read what you have to say...is it simply a make up fiction just to earn you marks...or is it something which is drawn from inspiration and comes from deep within?i do not know,but i wish to find out...meanwhile...i've decided to remove the 2nd prose, "Smiles Last Forever" from the CAP as it is harder than i thought to write something that common about these tiny obstacles in life and trying to overcome it...and its kinda lame and the idea is kinda taken by many other authors and movie directors...so i've decided to write the other 2 proses...maybe slightly lesser marks though...but more time to improve on the other works...why i'm so concerned about the CAP is that is is a majoy assignment as we are given 2 months to do it and i think it takes up 15% or 20% of out CA1...which makes up 40% of year overall...20% of 40% is 8%..which means the CAP takes up 8% of the year LA overall...which is quite a large sum...so i'm determined to make it better next year due to my mistakes made this year which resulted in tragedy...i did not take the assignments during non-exam times seriously which resulted in overall grade pull down despite the exam marks...which even so are slightly better than the others but still relatively lousy compared to the pros...

I think i overshot on the CAP amount of works...but i wanna get more marks...i hope you understand and don't start saying stuff which i am not and do not wish to do...i'm not the kind of person who stands in the spotlight taking all the attention..and i'm not the kind who wants to be in the middle of the action..i'm the kind who stands by the side and observe...the silent contributor...the invisible bystander...

Wondered why many of my recent posts all do not include poem works?...cuz i am still busy concentrating on writing the other CAP poems and proses so i don't have time to make additional ones...and erm...you know the famous "Copy and Paste" function?...yeah..not that i do not trust my friends but some people can get desperate for marks and resort to plagiarism...but even so...i'd regard it as a height of dishonour to mistrust my friends...so...happy holidaying and homeworking...

Once in a lifetime,means there's no second chance...

Yos...today very nice sia...can go out and was among the first to arrive due to a lucky blow that he had to leave on an urgent meeting,watch movie,play arcade and got ant and jus to come me house play xbox!...wa...damn nice seh...only problem is the gals nvr come dunno why...me house too small ar?not high class enough for yur standard issit?lol...sian la...say want come dun want come waste so much time standin there tokin lor...then nearly tio catch cuz they went late...next time...make up your minds faster...

Once in a lifetime, means there's no second chance...

This was a once in a lifetime chance...and there may hardly be another once anytime soon...and yet you CHOSE to miss it.

When's the next one i wonder...

Early yet late...

Yos...i'm very happy that i am allowed out on wednesday which is tomorrow...to watch the seeker with you all, but all good things come at a price and setbacks...YOU mad dude wants to start it at 7...which is virtually IMPOSSIBLE for me to go...and i am very THANKFUL that you allowed it to be changed to 10,BUT even so,i won't be allowed out that early and i will definitely be "late",but its NOT MY FAULT! I'm very sorry all to reduce the duration of your happy fun play time,and you could've had more fun without me and my life restrictions to hold you up...so you can start having fun first without me...then i will join in about 1 hour after your fun begins.

I still wonder in awe how come all of you have so much freedom and free time,now i do not lament and feel remorse at all this...but a new feeling takes over,curiosity...HOW do you manage to attain so much freedom and allowance?...I NEED to LEARN how to get all of the freedom so i can enjoy it too. so if you have any form of action you do to get it,PLEASE TELL ME THANKS...see you tomorrow

what you all doin'?...life's changed...

Yos!What you all doing during the first phase of the holidays?Everything seems oddly quiet to me compared to your normal high standards even before term ended.I'm still living this same life...restricted,sian,sad...so how has your life changed since the start of the holidays?Mine makes a lot of difference though,i am now allowed to go to HappyFunPlayTime once every 2 weeks!instead of the usual once every 2 months!thats an improvement and i am allowed 2 hours of com everyday!not the usual 2 hours on weekends...and i am allowed to use the phone slightly longer than before!and also,i get to watch 2 hours of tv everyday!instead if the usual 1 hour everyday!Good eh?excellent...excellent...

As for the next happy play time,i am still waiting for the right moment to ask...as he does not seem to be in a good mood today...i will reply either late tonight...before 10.30,which is my limit to stay...or early tomorrow...the seeker,2 plus in the afternoon,wednesday,the usual gang...

I gtg..he really isnt in a good mood and shouting at me now...9 pm -_-...see ya!

simple luxuries...

I've grown to like my simple life even though sometimes i hate it...I enjoy many of life's simple luxuries...and i'm satisfied with it...haha...

Today played ball in the morning,afternoon and evening...and had a hearty good meal at coffee shop after that...then when driving home from tiong bahru i played my own cd of my favourite songs...listening to my own favourite songs while driving at high speed along a highway at night is a very nice thing indeed...

Life has been better when i appreciate it being simple and easy...an occasional hour or two of com...a rare touch of an xbox controller...and sometimes pressing my finger out on my psp game of AceCombatX...

And i've just downloaded microsoft flight simulator x and it's really complicated to fly a plane...but the graphics are amazing and realistic...

Current games played - Maple,Audi,O2,Pangya,KongKong,Gunbound,Rakion,Halo...

a lot eh?...lol fun...

The best luxury of it all is playing the com in the evening...by the window with a cool breeze blowing through...with a cup of iced water and some fruit to go along...pure relaxation...

Listening to my favourite songs along in a car at 99 kmp/h at night on the expressway...watching the orange streetlights flash past and looking up at the cloud shrouded moon...perfect luxury...

This stuff will have a part in one of my CAP poems,I am here,You are there.
Stay tuned!

"I enjoy life's simple luxuries,and it keeps me happy."

"Look at things simply,and it will make everything easier."

Listening to music while stacking a house of cards...
Watching a movie on tv while sipping iced water...
Playing occasionally with magnetic darts...
Isn't this luxury?It can't get better!

Haha...i love my simple luxurious life...

betray and restriction

I just remembered this...SOMEONE OUT THERE READING THIS BLOG BETRAYED ME AND SOMEHOW MY PARENTS KNEW ABOUT THIS ONLY OUTLET FOR MY PAIN AND FRUSTRATION...WHO IS THAT?!?!YOU BETTER WATCH OUT ALRIGHT!THEY ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT THIS OTHERWISE I AM DOOMED AND I'VE LOST MY ONLY MEANS OF HYPERVENTILATION OF MY ANGER AND MAKING OTHERS REALISE WHAT THEY ARE REALLY BLESSED WITH AND APPRECIATE IT...THUS EDUCATING THE MOST WHO ARE HAPPY!

Ever wondered how it felt to be shouted at to stop using the computer...not playing...msning...and chatting...after using it for slightly more than half and hour?...and being lectured fiercely about using computer at night is not good..and while most of the people are still online...you can't imagine or winder...cause you are too good and happy and blessed to think in my way and live my life...

the black book

So...how to recover after this ordeal?...several engage in HappyFunPlayTime! with fellow classmates and think it through through having fun...some return to daily normal lives and look for simple leisure and entertainment...some continue to feel the aftermath of the impact even after some time...but eventually recover...but i can't...

That blaze of luck when i got to go out was wasted when most of you won't mind and wont be assaulted and bombarded with questions when you have last-minute changes in HappyFunPlayTime! plans...most of you won't mind making last minute changes which can seriously endanger my chances and can still continue to have fun in blissful ignorance and peace even when you get home...i still don't get why...

I was happy in primary school and did not know what was HappyFunPlayTime! and was contented with my life...

Secondary school opened my eyes to this confusing world of cruel bias,unfairness and others who are much more priveledged than me and yet don't really appreciate it and take it for granted...unlike me who so used to be happy with the restricted life i had...and now it was and eye-opener...letting me realise the poverty i was in so i could strive for the better for myself...

Hidden danger is within me and i must realease it...but unfortunately...yes...unfortunately is just the word...for me.

We are all living things and have feelings...so why are we trated so differently?...

exams...

The report books are back...perfectly coloured and decorated to fit the state with are in now...black...GPA 2.67...the amount which is more than enough to be lethal to me...
Failed expectations...which are all at least A and i only got 2 As...

At least the holidays are coming and i got the nice silver man trophy for the interclass...
And this little bit of holiday homework is very acceptable as we have 2 months to complete it...yet many groan and whine that it is too much to take...THIS IS LIFE...FACE IT...YOU CAN'T CHANGE IT!

And another thing came out...the class league...got 2nd but nothing and the shield for the 1st place is nice...

Ever wondered how two people with the same results can react so differently to it?...

Lets take it that 2 ppl in the class got 2.77 for GPA...

The first guy clutches his hair in dissapointment and slumped over on the table in fear...afraid of the treatment he was going to get at home...this common situation...

The 2nd dude took his paper...merely smiled and shrugged...knowing nothing seriously bad will happen to him at home and he could still enjoy his holidays...


The results are the same...but the results after receiving the results are very different...

One gets killed while the other enjoys...

I appears quite a number of you can still manage to xiang kai about the results...amazing how you can be oblivious to a would be pounding in my household which you are unlikely to get...

This is examinations...intricately created...exquitsitely designed...sinisterly modified...to kill...
It does not kill directly...but maximises damage after the first blow of moderate damage...both a physical and phsycological weapon...powerful...

"Face it,this is life,and you can't change it..."

cap

I've reckoned out a few ideas for the CAP file and intend to work on them over the holidays..i need suggestions and stuff so help me out thanks =)...

I intend to write 7 poems and 3 prose...kinda overshot but i wanna do well to get my marks...and tis important...it counts in the CA1...

Poems
I-Silhouette(to be edited)
II-Ace of Spades(to be edited)
III-Rain(to be edited)
IV-It's Over(exam)
V-Have Fun(Coming soon)
VI-You are there,I am here(coming soon)
VII- - (unthoughted out yet lol coming soon)

Prose

I - Racing Through the Skies

II - Smiles Last Forever

III- Broken Hourglass (A Classic,must read!)

Poem V - Have Fun

This features the feeling of a person when he realises he was not going to be as happy as his friends and tries to be happy for them instead of feeling negatively towards this cruel reality...

Poem VI - You Are There, I Am Here

This features the feeling of differences between a person and his good friend and yet he tries to bridge those distances and gaps...

Poem VII - This would be one of my ace elite works...i am still thinking and suggestions are welcome...but do not give noob stuff..you know my style of writing...you know what type to suggest...and you know my ideas...


Prose I - Racing Through the Skies

This features a young teenager with an ambition to become a pilot when he grows up and tries to achieve his goal,but ends up in disaster when problems stand in his way of becoming a fighter pilot and afterwards,a commercial airliner pilot.

Prose II - Smiles Last Forever

This features a classic story of two awkward teenagers trying to get along with each other and became much more than friends as they overcame obstacles in life and went through thick and thin and made many new discoveries.Inspired by real life events.

Prose III - Broken Hourglass

This classic's genre is fantasy and features a young protagonist who is skilled in the art of fighting,but has to overcome many obstacles to achieve what he was destined to do,to find and protect the Hourglass of Time,which controls all time in the universe.


So you are welcome to give suggestions and stuff...thanks...

cap file and portfolio?...

Hellos...its been a few days since the last post..how are you all doing? Getting well after receiving those dreadful results? Hope you are...otherwise end up like me...having to struggle through every painful moment...



Today tried to chiong IT but then got ppl book the lab again...just like yesterday so had to go early lor...sianz...but then Ms Huang postpone deadline so nvms...



How was PlayFunTime at Anthony's house today?Fun?Enjoyable?Or did something happen while i am not there?lols...

Even though I may seem very perturbed by the painful fact of reality that most of you can have fun while i can't...but i'm trying to change that...with the thought that since my friends are having fun and feeling happy...i should feel happy for them and not sulk and be jealous of the amount of excessive freedom which is happily presented to them in large quantities and of which i am so deprived of...

But even so as i try...this lingering feeling of unease and discomfort still remains to protect the very bit of jealousy and hatred still within me...I'm holding back my remorse and retorts...but anger and frustration would soon overtake me entirely...

JJ Chim,my only source of comfort and reassurance...you share my pain and point of view...

I still wonder in awe sometimes why are most of you so much more priveledged and while i am not given the chance to express myself...this is wonder and interest at the first time and in the first place...but slowly to be replaced with regret,rage,remorse,dissapointment,sorrow,anger and unhappiness...

What matters most now in this world in most people's view are to be as good as others...while not to be as good as yourself...others are the ones who bring you up and down...

I find it hard to accept the truth that I would never find happiness...unlike the many fortunate others around me...and I feel happy for them =)...and yet it would not work out as well as i thought=(...

"Face the cruel reality that is life"
-Jazz

"Life is fun and enjoyable and we should make happiness out of it if we can"
-The Others

I am not the others...

rain reflects mood after exam...

today...it seems the impact of exam results are greater than imagined...
and the school is trying to waste our time to recover from this ordeal in forcing us do disabled stuff?...

Feel the pain...even if you don't

And even the weather reflects the moods...it was very rainy...

Even so there is not enough savings for a rainy day...

Anthony...jia you =)

MRT , Bearer of all , Verses I to II

The MRT bears all,
Not just in the literal sense,
It watches rise and fall,
And clashes mild and intense.

The MRT watches us,
In silence and with noise,
It listens to us so thus,
It is one who hears our voice.

exams...back

Received all the papers today... 2 C and 2 B and 2 A lol ...dammit...lousy...dead...

Mass Massacre (Exam)

The teacher walked in and slammed the bag on the table,
Containing the results of our long hard labour,
Feelings get tense,heartbeat gets fast,
The exam results are coming at last.

Slowly the product of many trees get passed around,
Some cry in pain while some are safe and sound,
Those two numbers,decide the fate of our lives,
Written in blood,just like life thrives.

Language Arts,Maths,Geography,
Science,Chinese and History,
Those are just a few forms of torture,
To decide all in the present and future.

Most are killed by this,
But escape-proof it seems,
All back at once,it is finally here,
Pain,anguish,examination mass massacre.

ahh...so painful...

On a happier note,i'll like to wish justinn happy b'day and congratulate him on the excellent harvest of presents he had got this year...haha...and i wish all the late year born people to have a good harvest too!

Birthday Harvests(first verse)

Its a bright sunny morning,
Perfect for anything happy,
Its your birthday,
Its today,
Ah,the presents are coming.


ah..no time liao...they are coming...gtg post tomorrow if i can survive till then...have fun!

its over...at lasst...but

Sorry for late update as i was too immersed in playing game after exam...its over...but even so some things undesirable remain...

5 more minutes,and It's over

I'm sitting here,on this dark blue chair,
With my head bowed,legs crossed,hands in my hair,
The papers under my dark blue table,
The result of a long time of labour.

I'm sitting here,10th October,2007,
With twenty minutes to eleven,
In the air-conditioned classroom,
Having survived the period of doom.

I'm sitting here,10.41 in the morning,
The excitement throbbing within me could make me sing,
I stared blankly at the white wall,glazed with sunlight,
The time after this would be bright.

I'm sitting here,staring at the clock,
Its second hand ticking,i want to say,but can't talk,
To express the excitement threatening to burst
at 10.42,spurring me to be the first.

I'm sitting here,10.43,watching the second hand,
Fingering my calculator,spinning my pen,
As the teacher said,two minutes left,
To everything else save happiness,i am deaf.

I'm sitting here,waiting for one more minute,
60 more seconds,no longer i can sit,
to wait that long,and remain silent,
wating for the explosion of violence.

Pressing the calculator,minus one,minus one,
As it melted into seconds,almost done.
10,9,8,7,6,5,4,
3,2,1,its over,once and for all.

Haha...i like it,kinda nice,and really i was pressing my calculator minus one minus one...lol...
Went to watch balls of fury that day after exam,i went home rather "late" for my standards...but nothing for yours though...haiz...after exam...though...but still sad...but at least better,can't expect the best out of everything...

oh yeah...sadly...i can't go to your family outing,justinn...but its beyond my control...

"Its just those little circumstances which prevent the best of happiness from happening."

dead?isolated and not one

Some people,or rather all,always need some relaxation...i understand that,but,amazingly,shopping and having fun playing com in the midst of the exam?ah..ain't no criticising...but it is something new to me and never seen before.
cool...to have so much freedom...ever appreciated it?ever wondered how you got so much freedom and fun?
if you dont care or appreciate...it is time to realise...
Luckyers,funners.happyers...ah everywhere...interesting eh?use com and msn tok tok...very fun eh?
I am isolated from my friends,isolate from the country,the world,the universe.
I feel like i am alien compared to you all...not part of you,not part of this society.
Not part of you...
While i am typing out my lament,you are probably having fun?moments of exhiliration...probably you don't feel it anymore as you are too used to this happiness and yet you demand more?...
...

... Part I - ... ,Lines I to XII

...
Don't feel like part of you all,
Always having to answer angry calls,
...Its not right,its not nice...
...The devil from within will rise...
Extremely noisy,yet strangely silent,
My life then and now is barren.
...Its all wrong,its all bad...
...Rage will overcome sad...

...My friends,my dear friends...
...All these makes no sense...
...I feel like not part of you...
...And there's nothing i could do...

Jazz


Extract:"Ha!I would never be the one to say,"Let's have fun!",but i will always be the one to stand by the side and wave and say,"Have fun...".

"He stood at the spot on which many months ago,he stood to wait for her in the evening."Have fun..."he said quietly,and he turned and vanished in to the crowd,to head back to his prison,alone."

"The gang of girls were having fun,with no worry in mind,care-free,having fun,yet less than a few kilometres away,he was being tortured and kept in confinement,isolated from the others."

"Many years later...He was scrabbling at the lock on the door,frantic to get out.He thought he heard footsteps coming from the room.Finally he got it open.Pocketing the key and casting one last dark look around the sad yet beautiful prison,he slammed the door,leaving the solitary note lying on the floor..."

"I'm sorry,but you were the ones who forced me to do it..."

'"Smile!"he said loudly,"you are fortunate enough to have this gift bestowed on you!And yet you don't appreciate it!"With that he stormed from the great house,past the glittering car,into the night."

'"How much stuff have you got left?"he asked anxiously."Not much,i've nearly used up all my funds and provisions..."said the other."Good luck.""You too."'

"Finally he had found the house.Standing wet and dripping in front of the door,he knocked.Heart thundering,he quickly ran over what to say.She opened the door.She started,and asked,"What brings you here?And why are you so wet?"He stammered on the edge of speech,fingering the box of elaborately wrapped chocolates."I...er...",he stuttered.She frowned slightly,then smiled and whispered,"I know..."'

"Pain and jealousy gripped him from within as he watched..."

"He smiled and disappeared into the darkness."

Smile,for you have a great gift bestowed upon you and yet you can't stop lamenting?

Hoping for the best...5 more days...